


Counting Thunder

by DyingFable



Series: Involves Destiel 10/10 of the Time [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-02-20 01:29:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2410058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DyingFable/pseuds/DyingFable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel never anticipated that he would spend the evening with Dean when they discovered neither of their families were home. He also didn't expect a record breaking storm to hit Lawrence, KS. Now they're both sick, both facing the wrath of Michael, and Dean just doesn't know the meaning behind the term 'Doctor's Orders'.</p><p>-</p><p>I was on Omegle and got caught up in this freestyle RP about two or three months ago. I finally found the energy to actually write it instead of re-reading the e-mails. Now there's just one problem. The co-author isn't answering due to the school year. If you wrote this with me then answer my e-mail(s) and give me your name. Otherwise you would be left unmentioned and I did not go through a year of Journalism practice to not credit someone for gods sake.</p><p>-</p><p>Yay we're bullshitting and re-writing isn't this a blast<br/>ha<br/>haha<br/>kill me please</p><p>**Currently on Hiatus**</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just Another Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Updated: 1.28.15**

Castiel sat on his bed, surrounded by binders and papers with notes scribbled down along most of the pages he had been studying. He was hitting the three-hour mark before the words began to jumble together along with his memory. He sighed and leaned back, trying to figure out the difference between fractions and the scientific definition of friction. He sits up and pulls his glasses away, setting them down next to him as he pinched the bridge of his nose in hopes of relieving the headache he had developed. He was pulled away from the position when a small vibration caught his attention. He looked over at his desk, seeing the dim screen read something about a new message or update. He leans over and pulls it from the charger, swiping his thumb across the display to unlock and read over the notification. He smiled a bit when he read over the contact name: Dean Winchester, his friend since fourth grade.

_Are you going to Benny’s party this weekend? -DW_

_Of course, Dean would ask that, he had been pushing Castiel to attend a party for two years now._

_Why? Would I need to? -CN_

_I was just asking… you don’t have to if you don't want to…. -DW_

_Do you want me to come? I don't have any other arrangements. -CN_

_Of course, I want you to come! A party’s not a party unless my best friend’s there! -DW_

_I suppose I could come, would it be okay if I asked for a ride from you? -CN_

_No problemo! Pick you up around nine tomorrow? -DW_

_Sure, what type of party is it? I'd hate to show up in formal wear._

_Wear whatever you want! -DW_

_On second thought, I might just come over a little earlier. -DW_

Castiel shook his head as a small smile spread across his cheeks. Dean had this ‘thing’ about Castiel always dressing so seriously for casual events, saying that he looked 'like a dork' and needed to dress more 'loosely'. He even had a habit of taking an extra pair of clothes to school in case Castiel ended up being ‘too dressy’.

_Okay, what time would it be over? -CN_

_Does it matter? Like you said, you don't have any other plans…. -DW_

_Well… I suppose so. I just wouldn’t want to worry my family. -CN_

_Just tell them you're staying around mine after? That'll stop their worrying! -DW_

_Yes, I guess that would work. They seem to like you. -CN_

_What can I say? I'm a likable guy ;) -DW_

_Don't flatter yourself. -CN_

_Rude, it’s not my fault my ego’s so big. You know what else is big? -DW_

_Your future college debt. -CN_

_I love that you assume I'm going to college… -DW_

_I will drag you there if I must, you can't possibly expect to survive off of minimum wage in this economy. -CN_

_Well, look at you getting all thoughtful about my future. But seriously, it’s not gonna happen. -DW_

_I suppose when you crash and burn with your life plan you’ll be bunkering with me? -CN_

_Thanks for the vote of confidence. Worst comes to worst I hear there’s money in stripping. -DW_

_For the record, that was a joke. -DW_

_Darn, I was excited. -CN_

_For laughing at my lowest? Thanks, man, I  see why we're friends. -DW_

_Laugh? It would appear you misinterpreted my statement. -CN_

_Oh my god, that’s like missing a blue moon! -DW_

_That’s fairly easy seeing as I've never seen one. -CN_

_I missed your joke; you missed my insult. I'd say we're even now. You've never seen a blue moon? What do you think happens when Smurfs pull their shorts down? -DW_

_Smurfs aren't real Dean. What would lowering their pants have to do with anything? -CN_

_Please tell me they aren't performing intercourse with the moon. -CN_

_Please tell me they aren't. -CN_

_You're a sick man. -CN_

_Yes, Cas. That's what I was trying to tell you. Where did you think stars come from? They’re moon-smurf babies. -DW_

_What a sickening thought. -CN_

_Who told you this false information? -CN_

_You’re an idiot. -DW_

_It’s all a joke Cas. -DW_

_Oh. -CN_

_I still don't understand. -CN_

_I'll explain some other time. Speaking of explaining, you owe me an explanation. What’s this I hear about you and Meg Masters? -DW_

_What about me and Ms. Masters? -CN_

_Rumor has it you and her have been letting a little… friendly…. -DW_

_Dean I highly recommend you look up the definition of ‘rumor’. -CN_

_And even if she and I were developing some bond why would that bother you? -CN_

_It doesn’t bother me. Why would you think it bothered me? I’m just taking an interest in my friend’s love life. Is that such a bad thing? -DW_

_No, it’s just that you seemed upset by it. Jealous even. -CN_

_Do YOU have a preference for Meg? -CN_

_I would gladly step back. -CN_

_Meg is demon spawn; I don't have a thing for her. -DW_

_Then what are you so upset about? Did you see her as a danger to me? -CN_

_I never said I was upset; you did. I guess that’s how I imagine her, I just don't want her to sink her claws and rip your heart out. -DW_

_Well, it’s a good thing it’s just that, a rumor. -CN_

_Well, that’s a relief! -DW_

_But I wouldn’t jinx it, I can't tell what will happen later on in life. -CN_

_But it’s Meg. Trust me buddy, you can do better. -DW_

_And what would ‘better’ be in your book? -CN_

_Someone who won't totally screw you over when the next best thing comes along? That’d be a good start. And you know yourself she’s done that to guys in the past. -DW_

_Yes but people can change. Not that I want to date her. -CN_

_You don’t? You're giving me mixed signals here. -DW_

_On a scale of one to ten she’s a low -2, does that clear it up? -CN_

_Wow, in into the negatives huh? Didn't think you’d put her that low. -DW_

_As you said previously, she’s demon spawn. -CN_

_Touche. -DW_

_So go on then, if you were gonna date one person we go to school with, who would it be? -DW_

_I'd rather not get questioning looks from saying. -CN_

_Well a) I’m not gonna judge and b) it’s not like I can look at you through texting anyway. -DW_

_True, but I've been around you long enough to guess what reaction you would have. -CN_

_Like what? -DW_

_Remember last year when Sam broke his arm? Or last week when he got a paper cut? You freaked. You’re protective of things you care about. If someone threatened you, you’d get sassy, not angry. And if somebody betrayed you, you would never come up and say it, you would always act as if you could handle it. I know you Dean. -CN_

_If you know me so well you gotta know you can tell me anything. -DW_

_If I say it, I fear for how you would react. I've never seen you come into a problem or statement such as mine. -CN_

_Well, that doesn’t narrow it down any… c’mon Cas, if you can't tell it to your best friend then you can’t tell it to anyone. -CN_

_I haven't even said it to my parents Dean, let alone any of my brothers. Then again you are more that family. -CN_

_Exactly! Look, if you  don’t wanna say it then I’m not gonna make you. I’m not that much of a dick, especially to you. But you know I’m always around. -DW_

_You. It’s you. There, I said it. -CN_

_I don't get it. I’m the one you can confess your secret to? That’s kind of what I've been trying to tell you Cas…. -DW_

_No, Geez, now you're the idiot. It’s not MEG it’s YOU. -CN_

Castiel rubbed at his cheeks in hopes of getting rid of his furious blush. He was so frustrated with keeping his sexuality a secret, and now the cat was out of the bag. And the cat ran straight to his crush, and freaking told him. He held his breath until Dean replied, letting out a shaky and faltered sigh when the small message popped up.

_Oh. -DW_

_Right. Okay. So you're, uh, into guys? -DW_

_Yes, I'm a homosexual if that’s what you mean. -CN_

_That is… Exactly what I meant, yeah. How long…? -DW_

_A few years. Now you know why it was so difficult to say. -CN_

_Yeah, I get it. And I'm honestly happy you told me. Now I can point out cute guys instead of cute girls. -DW_

_Yeah…. -CN_

_Hang on a sec, when I made the stripper comment earlier were you serious about being excited? -DW_

_... yes…. -CN_

_I figured it'd be a comedic way of coming out, but you overlooked it. -CN_

_Sorry, thought you were screwing around. -DW_

_It’s fine. -CN_

_Can I ask a question? And I want an honest answer! -DW_

_Of course. -CN_

_Are you still okay to like hang out and stuff just like always or has it been getting weird for you? Obviously I wanna keep things as same-y as possible but I don’t wanna make you feel like crap about it so…. -DW_

_I’m sure I can control myself. But if I tend to make you uncomfortable please do not hesitate to point it out to me. -CN_

_Not that I think that’ll happen but okay. Would it be bad to say I’m kinda flattered? -DW_

_Um… no…. -CN_

_Okay good! Because I'm  relieved. Is relieved the right word? I don’t think so, happy? Maybe? -DW_

_I understand, even if you are at a loss for words. -CN_

_I don't think you do understand. I don't even think I understand. -DW_

_It’s all a very confusing manner, but I understand the gist of it. -CN_

_You do? -DW_

_Yes… I think so….. -CN_

_Okay good. So you know I’m gonna act like a total ass, right? Like beyond normal assiness. -DW_

_I think I can handle it, but I will be an ass back. -CN_

_Wait what? No, Cas, that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m not gonna be an ass to you. I’m flattered that you like me and relieved that I don’t have to worry too much anymore. You know I’ve always been… Protective over you. I mean just look at where we were talking about Meg. Fact of the matter is I’m happy you like me because nobody else is gonna be good enough for you. I’d be an ass to anyone else who tried to get with you because they’re just not good enough. See? -DW_

_Wow, that turned into an essay. -DW_

_Oh… well I guess it’s my turn to be flattered…. -CN_

_Cause you have such an awesome friend? -DW_

_No, it’s just the fact that I don’t deserve such a friend. -CN_

_You’re right; you deserve way better. I’m sorry. -DW_

_No, I meant I don’t deserve someone as perfect. I guess that’s why I’m hopelessly attracted to you. -CN_

_Don’t say that. Do NOT say that. -DW_

_Say what? That I don’t deserve you as a friend? -CN_

_That you like me, you can’t. -DW_

_I don’t think I understand your wording. -CN_

_You. Can’t. Love. Me. Castiel. I won’t let you waste yourself like that. -DW_

_Like I said, it was hopeless in the first place. -CN_

_Yeah. Yeah, it is. Look, I’ll help you okay? Find you a nice guy who won’t break your heart and isn’t scared to love you back. It’s not like I’m gonna leave you because of this. -DW_

_Thank you, Dean, this relieves me in many ways. -CN_

_Many ways? What do you mean? -DW_

_Well, it’s difficult to name all of them. But now I feel safer knowing that I have someone to support me instead of worrying I’ll be mistreated for when I decide to come out to my parents and brothers. -CN_

_If anyone acts like a dick, they’ll get a knock upside the head. I got your back no matter what. Have you thought about how you’re gonna tell your family? -DW_

_Not in the slightest, I would have to tell the others at school as well. I’m sure this will lead to ridiculous amounts of physical harassment. -CN_

_I wouldn't let that happen, you know that. -DW_

_I guess it was just difficult for me to grasp seeing as I waited until now to speak about it. -CN_

_I get it dude, trust me. But for the record, it’s not like I’m gonna make you tell people straight away. I can keep secrets. -DW_

_Yes, but I’ve been keeping it for ages. It would be relieving to have it off my shoulders soon. -CN_

_Well, I got your back no whatever you want to do. And if you need any help all you gotta do is ask. -DW_

_Do you think we could start telling them tomorrow? I’d  like our friends to hear. CN_

_Sure thing. Is there any kind way you were thinking or just a “hey by the way Cas is into guys”? -DW_

_I will try to explain it diligently but if you see me struggling feel free to step in. -CN_

_Gotcha. And if anyone tries to give you shit for it just send them in the direction of my fists, okay? -DW_

_Agreed. Any other rumors you’d like for me to shoot down? -CN_

_Uh, no? There aren’t any more that I know of so…. -DW_

_Now the conversation has taken an awkward turn. -CN_

_Why? What do you know that I don’t? -DW_

_Nothing, it’s just that with me making a rather large confession of an extremely private matter the conversation has an odd sensation with it. CN_

_So what, now that you made your big confession we can’t talk like normal? -DW_

_Oh, we can if you have something to discuss. Otherwise, it’s like conversing with a morgue full of unresponsive corpses. -CN_

_Well, you sure know how to make a guy feel special Cas. -DW_

_If you don’t wanna talk, do you wanna come over? Can we watch a movie or something? You know, to keep things normal? -DW_

_Of course, but only if you’re 100% comfortable with it. -CN_

_Dude, of course I’m comfortable with it. You’re still my best friend. -DW_

_Good, when should I come over? CN_

_Whenever’s good for you! Dad and Sammy aren’t in right now so as soon as you can. -DW_

_My parents are  away on a business trip, would now be a suitable time? -CN_

_Now would be awesome! You need a place to stay while they’re gone? If you don’t want to deal with your brothers, that is. -DW_

_They’ll most likely barely show up to the house. Would it be okay if I stayed? I’d hate to be bothering. -CN_

_Cas, honestly, stop worrying. Of course, you can stay. -DW_

_Thank you, Dean, I will arrive within the hour. -CN_

_Sweet! Bring any movies or anything you wanna do, I’ll head over to the store and grab some food. -DW_

_Very well, I’ll finish packing and head over soon. -CN_

Dean didn’t bother responding to that, knowing that Castiel didn’t  expect it since the plan was set in place already. He did as he said, went to the store, picked up random selection of candy with coincidentally happened to be Castiel’s favorites, and then headed home. He wasn’t sure why he felt nervous; it was just the two of them hanging out like normal. It played on his mind while he cleared his room up a little, arranging everything so they would be able to stay in there comfortably. He continued tidying up more, clearing the living room a little, sorting the kitchen; it took his mind off things enough to wait for Castiel's arrival.

Castiel had packed a day's worth of clothes and a few documentaries he had been given for his birthday. Knowing that it wasn’t  Dean’s favorite genre he had also taken some movies from Gabriel’s mess of a room. Now all he had to do was walk the few block to Dean’s house. He was nearly halfway there when he felt his breath turn to ice and his heart stammer. There, just across the street and down a little, was a common group of harassers. He swallowed thickly and pulled his phone out, trying to type a message quickly before he would become noticed.

Dean, would you mind meeting me at the halfway point? I may need to ‘lead people to your fist’ as you so poetically put it. -CN

Dean had read through the message twice before he registered the implications of the message.

Sure thing buddy, just hold in there. -DW

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll also be fixing up any of the first few chapters from the rough draft, but while I don't always have a knack for punctuation, incorrect spelling, and grammar, it's greatly appreciated if you could point out any mistakes to me.


	2. Hold on to Me, Hold on to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no e-mail, honestly the reason I'm updating is because of complete and utter boredom. However, I felt that maybe I could just update every three or four days instead of waiting to publish every Sunday. Also, sorry for that cliff hanger. It won't happen again.

Dean rounded the corner just as the group was beginning to surround Castiel. He walked toward them, shoving his hands in his pockets to stop himself before acting out first, before calling out. “Hey there Cas. Looks like you made some new friends, huh?” As soon as he was close enough, he angled himself between them and Castiel, keeping him shielded as best as he could. He narrowed his eyes at the guy directly in front of him, lowering his voice and confrontationally invading his space. “Think you need to back off a bit pal. Unless you got something you wanna say.”

“Winchester.” The man scoffed. “Should’ve known you’d be the one to stand up for this queer.”

Dean had never understood the term ‘seeing red’ until this moment. He shoved the guy against the fence, letting out a low growl. “Back off.” He enunciates through clenched teeth. A member of the group snickered, pointing at Castiel’s plastic sack filled with clothes.

“What’re you up to Cas? Going to spend some time with your boyfriend?” One chuckles.

“No,” Castiel squeaks, shifting on his feet as he hid the bag behind his back. “Dean has already made it clear he does not want to pursue a relationship with any of the same gender; including me.”

Dean’s clutch on the main man loosened as he stood back in front of Castiel. “Cas, sweetheart, I thought we agreed not to tell anyone until tomorrow.” He coos, turning to wrap an arm around his shoulders. “If you could excuse us.” Dean huffs.

“Whatever, we’ll see you two fags on Monday, and next time-we won’t go easy on you.” The main man calls, turning and leading the small group away.

Dean let out a shaky breath and turned to quickly check on Castiel. “You good? No bruises or scratches?” He asks, looking over Castiel’s face and arms.

“I’m fine Dean.” Castiel laughs. “Thank you.”

“It’s no problem, let’s head back over to mine.” Dean sighs, wrapping an arm over Castiel again and absentmindedly rubbing his shoulder with his thumb. “So what do you want to do this lovely day?”

“I wouldn’t call it lovely, it looks like thunderstorms ahead.” Castiel sighs, pointing forward at the nearly black clouds.

“It’s fine, we can just hang out at the house.” Dean reassures. “I hate thunderstorms.” He adds.

Castiel laughs quietly. “Believe it or not Gabriel used to be terrified of them when he was younger. He’d always end up running to one of our rooms and would stay there until we calmed him down. He didn’t usually come to me until one night it was just us at home.”

“How’d you calm him down?” Dean asks, now curious in Castiel’s method.

“I’d have him count the cracks of thunder. Every time he would hear it, he would count aloud while he thought about something that scared him. I’d usually have him count until he felt better.” Castiel explains.

“Counting thunder?” Dean asks, clearly confused.

"Yes, I even found it worked in situations other than storms. It’s helped me relax every now and again.” Castiel admits.

“Like… back on the corner? With those guys?” Dean asks.

“Yes, but in order to look sane, I counted in my head.”

“Oh.” Dean huffed, still slightly confused. He didn’t like Castiel talking about being afraid. “So anyway, how about a movie night?”

“That sounds lovely.” Castiel sighed in agreement. They walked up the porch steps and Dean held the door open to allow Castiel to enter first.

It must have been the fact that he was now safe, but Dean suddenly needed to make himself scarce. “Give me a minute, I’ll be back.” He huffs, heading up the stairs and locking his bedroom door behind him. A few minutes and several well aimed punches to the wall later he returned.

“Dean? Hey, are you okay? I heard banging.” Castiel asks immediately, standing up from the couch to meet Dean near the bottom of the steps. “Is it me?” He squeaks, pulling at the knuckle of his index finger.

“Of course it’s you!” Dean growls. “It’s the fact that people think they can hurt you even if you’re the smartest, kindest person there is. They believe they can treat you like trash and it’s wrong-” Dean rambles on, stopping to cup Castiel’s face and bring their lips together. He let go immediately after and continues on as if nothing had happened. “I don’t understand why they do it, I mean, you’ve never done anything wrong. It wouldn’t matter if you did! You still don’t deserve it.” Dean chokes, turning on his heel and sitting in the farthest corner like a child.

Castiel stood frozen, unsure if from shock or confusion. He brought his hands to his lips, feeling the small amount of heat that radiated barely from Dean’s touch. He turned to the small crouched figure across the room and bit his lip, unsure what to do. There was a crack of thunder and an idea came, practically pushing him toward Dean. He kneels down and curls up at his side. He began to count at the next rumble of thunder.

“One, you were afraid you wouldn’t make it to me in time to stop those jerks.” He coos quietly, brushing his thumb up and down the fabric clinging to Dean’s shoulder and letting his eyes slowly close. “Two, you were afraid I would get hurt for no reason.” He waits for another crack and starts up again. “Three….” Dean waits for a moment.

“What’s three?” Dean asks quietly.

“You tell me.” Castiel sighs, leaning his cheek against Dean’s collarbone. Dean took a deep breath and continued on the next set of thunder cracks.

“Three, I’m afraid of flying, four, I’m afraid of disappointment. I’m scared of being disappointing. Or letting down the people I love.” He paused for a moment, looking ahead and round at Castiel’s relaxed figure. “I’m scared of love.” he barely whispered, leaning in and closing his eyes only to be jolted to his senses by the next clap of thunder. “Shit.” he cursed, jumping to his feet and shaking his head quickly. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” he muttered under his breath, leaving the room, not being able to face the truth of what he’d almost done.

Castiel sat dumbfounded, arms holding him up from Dean’s sudden absence. He had heard Dean’s fears loud and clear, every last one. Castiel stood up and quietly stepped after Dean.

Dean ended up in the kitchen, busying himself with jobs. He flicked the switch on the kettle, started loading the dishwasher, then gave up halfway, filling the sink to wash the rest. He pulled out half a cupboards worth of food and began throwing ingredients together, trying to stop himself from doing anything regrettable.

“Can you just leave me the fuck alone for five minutes?” He snapped when he felt Castiel’s quiet presence not too far away.

“Not if you’re doing this because of me.” Castiel replied. “I get that you’re afraid, but, I’m still not sure what of. If it’s because of me, I want to leave or stay and fix it.” Castiel explained, shifting on the balls of his feet and pulling at the tips of his fingers. “Please don’t shut me out Dean.”

Dean gave a loud sigh, attempting to slam a bag of flour onto the counter, but only getting a dissatisfying thud for his efforts. “Nothing to fix if nothing’s broken in the first place. Think of it like Schrodinger's heartbreak.” He said with a bitter and clearly false smile before gesturing to the flour beside him. “Do you want pancakes?” He asked distractedly, pulling other ingredients towards him and focusing more on the simple task rather than Castiel.

“Dean,” Castiel sighed. “It's past afternoon, I don’t think anyone in a fifty mile radius is eating pancakes. And don’t you act like there isn’t anything wrong.” He huffed, taking a small step forward only to slide it back in lack of confidence. “If you need to be alone, I can do that,” he says quietly. “But I can’t help that you deciding to ‘make pancakes’ is partially my fault. If I can help you then I’m going to, it doesn’t matter if it’s broken or not.” Castiel explained, rubbing at his wrists nervously.

“I don’t want your help.” Was all Dean had left to say on the matter. Castiel’s eyes popped open in shock and his face softened, looking down and away like a scolded pet. If ignoring it completely was the only way to get around the subject then that’s what Dean would do. The only problem was that he was faced with Castiel, one of the few people who was known to make him talk even when he didn’t want to. But he was determined to hold at least some of this resolve so he set about making the pancake mix despite Castiel’s accusations. humming Metallica quietly as was his usual nervous habit. It was clear that he didn’t expect Castiel to leave him from the amount of mixture he made, but he couldn’t help anxiously check over his shoulder to see if he was there.

Castiel stood for a few more moments, biting his cheek in worry. Surely there was something eating at Dean, but for the first time he couldn’t figure out how to get it out of his system. “I’ll give you some time to yourself.” He sighs quietly, turning away. “But I do expect an explanation from you, Dean.” He finishes, taking a few steps before speaking again. “You don’t have to keep the worlds weight on your shoulders you know.” He huffed taking the last few steps toward the couch and curling into a small ball.

Dean relaxed a little after Castiel left, continuing making the pancakes until he had a mountain of them piled up on the plate next to him and no more pancake mixture left. He made two cups of hot chocolate before deciding he’d reigned in his emotions enough to find his friend again. He took one of the two cups and the plate of pancakes to Castiel, approaching cautiously once he found him. “Peace offering?” He asked, phrasing it as a question so that Castiel could accept or reject as he saw fit. He placed them next to him regardless, taking a small step back once he did. “You want syrup or anything?”

“No thank you.” Castiel replied quietly, giving the pancakes a glance and smiling down at them. “Are you ready to talk about it?” Castiel asks, taking the plate and silverware and cutting a small edge off the circle, bringing it to his mouth and chewing slowly to hear Dean.

Dean swallowed as he watched Castiel’s jaw work in circular like motions. “Not quite.” He blurts after a small pause, he gives Castiel an apologetic smile before going back to the kitchen to retrieve his own drink. He didn’t delay in going back, he could have, but he didnt. He took his drink back and paced restlessly, blowing the hot liquid to cool it and take a sip before speaking again. “So what do you want to talk about?”

“Your fears, I recall them troubling you greatly.” Cas sighs as he takes another small bite. “I remember you saying you were afraid of all sorts of things. Flying, disappointment, how you’re afraid of disappointing the ones you love.” Castiel explained. “And I know what you can do when you get scared, you work on anything you can. Even if you don’t know what you’re doing.” Castiel let out a shaky sigh, realizing he didn’t know what exactly he was trying to say. “I just… want to help you feel less afraid.” He ends up breathing quietly. “Let me help in whatever way I can, even if it barely does anything.”

“We can’t exactly go flying right now.” Dean chuckled, hearing it fall flat even as he was saying it. “Look, I get that you wanna help, really, I do. But trying to help just makes everything worse.” He gave a sad smile, putting down his drink and folding his arms as he paced, half hugging himself. “You got your own shit to deal with, Cas. You should focus on that instead of trying to baby me. I can look after myself.” “So why are you so afraid of fixable things?” Castiel asks bluntly, tilting his head slightly and giving Dean a quizzical look, as if he was reading him.

“Why can’t you just accept somebody’s help even when you think you don’t deserve it? You think that I’m all sweet and innocent and that I don’t deserve to be treated the way and am but it’s should be that way for everyone, including you Dean!” Castiel barked. There was a loud crack of thunder and Castiel froze, air exiting his lungs softly as his pupils dilated in fear. There was more to Castiel’s list of fears than just being harassed, much more. With the rain beating down on the windows Castiel felt his fear hit maximum, keeping him from focusing on counting them. He sat there, stiff as a board with eyes and mouth open in shock as the rain rattled against the window like miniature bullets.

Dean was on the brink of arguing back when they were plunged into darkness. “Awkward.” He said in a half sing-song manner, not starting to worry until he was met with silence. “Cas?” He asked after a moment, realizing that something was wrong. He made his way around the couch, having the benefit of knowing his way around his house. He almost fell over Castiel in the darkness. “Shit, sorry.” He muttered, feeling around until his hands were rested on Castiel’s face, feeling his friend tremble beneath his touch. “Cas? Cas, listen to me, okay? Shut your eyes and imagine everything’s normal. There’s light, the rain’s just rain, and we’re here playing a game. In this game you gotta count all the things you’re scared of out loud. Can you do that for me?” He brushed his thumbs across Castiel’s cheekbones, gentle and reassuringly wiping away the small tears.

“Dean….” Castiel managed to choke out unevenly. His heart stammered as tears began to flow effortlessly down his cheeks, welling up into small ponds atop Dean’s thumbs. He felt his chest tighten as he realized he wasn’t breathing. He began hyperventilating desperately in attempt to breathe and found himself queasy. No, he was NOT going to throw up. He wouldn’t dare do that, even if his lack of air ate away at his vision. He had to get it together, but he didn’t have any idea how. He began trembling uncontrollably, but found he couldn’t even lift a finger. it was like being tied down without ropes and all he could do was quake in horror. There was more to the story of Gabriel’s phobia of thunderstorms, Gabriel would help to comfort Castiel if the lights ever went out. But Gabriel wasn’t here, it had been years since he’d been shrouded in darkness, he had always had a small flashlight on at night, no matter how much his brothers made fun of him. It was an extreme phobia, one even Castiel couldn’t make go away.

Dean wiped the tears away, but kept Castiel’s face cradled in his hands. “Cas, I don’t know what to do! You need to calm down and talk to me. Try and breathe slower, uh, try and relax. Think about anything else… aw hell.” Some part of his brain took over, but it definitely wasn’t a conscious part because no conscious part of his brain would have suggested kissing Castiel. Yet there he was, pressing his lips firmly against his best friend’s like it was the most logical thing to do in the situation.

Castiel immediately stopped trembling and felt his heartbeat begin to regulate. He felt calm for a moment, the rain seeming more soothing rather than threatening. Even when Gabriel tried comforting him in his younger years, it had never worked so well. He felt Dean’s lush lips pull away as he let in a small gasp of air. His stiffened spine relaxed and he slumped forward into Dean’s chest, the world fading in and out as his breathing began to slow. The world turned a little darker as Dean wrapped his arms around his shoulders, running his fingers up and down along Castiel’s spine. He felt another hyperventilating fit threaten to take over and he clung to Dean’s plaid shirt, knowing that he needed to be distracted as soon as possible.

Dean felt the jolt and gently brought his hands back up to Castiel’s shoulders as he ran dragged fingers gently across Castiel’s arms. While he might not have been totally in control of his actions, he was glad they seemed to have worked a little. “Tell me what you need Cas.” he whispered into the others ear. “Work with me, I wanna help you, but I don’t know how. I need you to be okay. Please.” He croaked out, his voice cracking as he ran his fingers through Castiel’s hair and held him close. Everything would have felt was taken over by fierce protectiveness of Castiel. He tightened an arm around Castiel’s shoulders, pressing a light and extended reassuring kiss to the top of Castiel’s head. “C’mon bab-buddy. talk to me.”

“Hold on to me.” Castiel stammered, feeling himself begin to tremble again. “Please.” He choked, on the verge of tears. He took a deep breath and let his face fall against Dean’s neck, doing anything he could to forget about the dark.

Dean was more than willing to comply to Castiel’s request, engulfing him in his arms and tucking Castiel’s head under his chin. “I’ve got you Cas, trust me. You’re safe.” He gently swayed them from side to side, an extra reassurance that everything would be fine.

Castiel muttered quickly under his dragging breath. “One, I’m afraid of being harassed.” He huffed out, feeling Dean’s grip tighten slightly. “Two, I’m afraid of being alone.” He whimpered, almost pulling at Dean’s shirt. There was a loud crack of thunder and Castiel jumped, let out a small and weakened cry and trembled back into Dean’s hold, finding it difficult to speak again.

Dean pressed light kisses to anywhere his lips could reach; the top of Castiel’s head, his forehead, his temple, his cheek. He gave a small hum of encouragement and nodded. “Keep going, you’re doing great. I’m so proud of you, Cas. Just keep counting.” He didn’t know if anything he was saying or doing was useful, but he knew it was better to try and keep Castiel distracted and, where possible, keep him talking.

Castiel took in a shaky breath and nodded into Dean’s chest. “Three, I’m afraid of what my brothers will say about my sexuality.” He felt Dean’s larger hands trail back down his spine to rub the small of his back as he continued to feel Dean’s numerous pecks and kisses across most of his head. “Four, I’m afraid of the dark.” There was a quieter crack and Castiel jumped, gasping at the small noise from afar. “Five, I’m afraid of failing school…” he muttered quickly, trying to keep calm. “Six, I’m afraid of getting hurt severely. Seven, I’m afraid of dying.” He took in a sharp breath as he realized he was nearing the end of his most recent fears. “Eight, I’m afraid of being left out of something. Nine, I’m afraid of losing the ones I care about.” He choked, tightening his grip on Dean’s shirt. “Ten-” Castiel was cut off by a loud crack of thunder, causing him to yelp and wrap his arms around Dean’s neck as he continued to tremble.

Dean circled his arms around Castiel’s waist and pulled him as close as possible, one hand on the center of his back to ground him just a little bit more. “Cas, I might not be able to do much about you failing school, and let’s face it, everybody dies one day….” He sighed softly next to Castiel’s ear, circling his thumb gently against his back. “If your family won’t support you then-then fuck them. There are more people that love you other than your family.” Dean hissed only to calm down and focus on trying to keep Castiel calm. “And as for me, you already know that I’m not gonna sit back and let people harass you or do anything to upset you. And I promise you, I swear, no matter what happens I’ll always be here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Ten,” Castiel shuddered. He pushed away and looked up slightly at Dean’s eyes. It was still dark, but his eyes adjusted enough to see that moderately familiar green tint in his eyes. “I’m afraid of losing you.”

Dean gave a sad sigh, closing his eyes as he did. “That’s a fear you’re gonna have to face sweetheart.” His throat felt tight but he swallowed it down, refusing to change his stance on this. “You’ll find someone else, someone’s gonna come along and you’ll forget about me. Who knows, maybe you’ll even fall in love with them. They’re gonna be someone you deserve. Stop loving m- one person.”

Castiel felt the trembling return, he didn’t want to force Dean to do anything for him but he needed someone that Dean had explained before. Someone who actually cared about and for him, someone that wouldn’t totally ditch him when the next best thing came round.There was a flash of lightening and a clap of thunder, taunting Castiel to cower back into Dean’s chest. “Please don’t let go-please don’t let go.” He repeated over and over. “Please don’t let-please don’t let go, please.” He blubbered, he felt his lungs stretch and struggle to find air and realized he was going through yet another hyperventilating fit.

“It’s okay, I’m not gonna let go. I got you, you’re safe.” Dean coos, repeating the same basic content to calm Castiel. It wasn’t until the next rumble of thunder sounded that he even moved, not far, just a slight shift of stance and moving his lips to Castiel’s ear. One of the few things he remembered of his mother was her singing. She didn’t go with traditional lullabies and Dean knew he always found comfort in the one song he distinctly remembered her singing to him. “Hey Jude,” he sang quietly to Castiel, hands running up and down his back in reassurance. “Don’t make it bad, take a sad song, and make it better….”

Castiel gasped for air loudly as Dean sang.

“Remember, to let her into your heart. Then you can start, to make it better. Hey Jude, don’t be afraid.” Dean continued, giving Castiel a tighter squeeze at that. “You were made to go out and get her. The minute, you let her under your skin,” he brushed his fingers lightly across the sliver of skin above the waistband of Castiel’s jeans, not quite covered by his t-shirt. “Then you begin, to make it better.”

Castiel shuddered and gasped for air through Dean’s shirt, it wasn’t just fear anymore, but rather heartbreak that caused him to act this way. He tightened his grip at Dean’s shirt and pressed his face to his chest. He ached so badly, but he didn’t know what to do, he just wanted light and Dean’s touch wherever comfortable.

Dean’s voice broke and he couldn’t even carry on the song for a minute. He turned his head to press a kiss against Castiel’s hair. “And any time you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain, don’t carry the world upon your shoulders. And don’t you know that it’s a fool who- who-” he couldn’t keep going, he was going to break. His arms tightened around Castiel just short of being painful. He took a moment to compose himself before continuing, swaying them both gently from side to side. “And don’t you know that it’s a fool who plays it cool by making his world, a little colder.”

Castiel pushed his face to Dean’s shirt so far he worried he would suffocate. He wasn’t going unconscious, what a relief, but he still ached. He wanted the storm to be over, he wanted a candle or a flashlight, he wanted Dean. He just wanted everything to be over.

Dean took a deep breath and let go of Castiel, holding his wrists and peeling him away slightly, placing his hands on his face when he was far enough away, not once losing contact. “Cas, I need you to trust me. Don’t read this too much. Just….” He leaned in, this time fully aware of what he was doing, kissing Castiel softly, almost questioningly, not entirely sure of himself or sure of what Castiel was even okay with.

Castiel barely moved for a moment as his and Dean’s lips connected. It was perfect, light. Just what he wanted, even though it was more or less inside him rather than around him. He pushed forward, returning the kiss gingerly, not even bothering to think about the storm, or the dark, or that Dean had actually decided to do this.

Dean gave a contented sigh against Castiel’s lips. His hands worked their way round the back of Castiel’s head, fingers tangling in his hair, holding him close as he deepened the kiss. He hadn’t planned on anything like this, it was dangerous ground they were treading on, but he couldn’t make himself stop. Even when he couldn’t, whispering Cas’ name between quick and gentle kisses, lips hardly ever leaving Castiel’s.

Castiel collided with Dean sloppily, it was his first kiss after all. His entire body felt warm and tingly, giving small pulses of safety and gratitude, almost encouraging him to continue for as long as possible. Dean hardly registered the power coming back on until the “Cas”’s turned into “I’m sorry”’s and the kisses became more brief, more spaced out, until they stopped entirely. He hung his head in shame and let his forehead rest on Castiel’s should. “I shouldn’t have done that, Cas, I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Castiel breathed, bashfully smiling when he realized he could still feel the faint heat of Dean on his lips. “I told you you’d have to be 100% comfortable with me coming over, it looks as though you did fine.” He blushed, draping his arms over his head to hug Dean’s neck.

“And I told you that this can’t happen.” Dean said, removing Castiel’s arms from around his neck and taking a step back. “I told you right from the start, no matter how we might feel about each other, it’s never gonna work out.” He turned away and stood up, knowing that if Castiel saw his face that he would know how much pain it caused Dean to say. The thought of ‘not as much as it must hurt to hear’ crossed his mind and tears stung at his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. “Forget anything happened and we can just carry on living our lives.”

Castiel took a deep breath and sang softly. “And don’t you know that it’s a fool, who plays it cool, by making his world a little-” He choked on his words, the line reminding him much of Dean. “Colder….” He choked out, stumbling over the syllables.

Dean gave a weak chuckle and wiped under his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, ending up pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment before turning back to face Castiel. “Calling me a fool, Cas?” He asked, keeping his distance and walking around the edge of the room.

“Yes.” Castiel replied bluntly. He stood up from the couch, tilting his head up to face Dean due to his extra inches of height. He was still seeing stars from his breathing fits and that he had stood up far too fast in his temporary condition. “You’re afraid of easily fixable things, and you block out everyone because you think you’re bothering them. Because you think that being alone will keep you from disappointing others.”

Dean took a small step back as Castiel stood up. “Worked for me so far.” He muttered under his breath, looking down to scoff his foot against the floor. “I’m not interested in having you fix my problems, no matter how easy you might think it is. I’m happy with the way things are.” He lied, knowing it was obvious but not caring.

“You wanted to help me, Dean.” Castiel reminded. “You did whatever you could to calm me down, to get it off my mind and I want to do the same thing dammit.”

Castiel cursed, grinding his teeth at the thought of knowing he very rarely did that. “I don’t care if you think it’s useless, I don’t care if you think you don’t deserve it. All you ever do is help people without giving yourself a second glance and it’s eating at you, Dean. A blind man could see that!” Castiel spat.

Dean shrunk back from Castiel and blinked at him blankly. “Eating at me?” He asked incredulously, shaking his head and placing his hands on Castiel’s shoulders. “Cas, you need to calm down. You’re getting yourself worked up over nothing. I’m fine, just like always.” Any anger or irritation that Dean would have felt was replaced by concern at Castiel’s behavior. “Take a deep breath baby.” He’d meant to say ‘buddy’ and it took a few seconds to realize the wrong word had come out, but it was too late to change it now and he mentally cursed himself instead.

Castiel’s looked up slowly, his icy blue eyes locking with Dean’s candy green ones. “Did you just call me baby?” He asked quietly, shock spilling from his words.

Dean gave a small huff of annoyance and ran a hand through his hair. “Are you gonna make a big deal out of it if I did?” He asked, continuing to babble after. “Because it was a simple enough mistake to make, I mean baby and buddy are pretty similar and it’s about you so I don’t even know which one I wanna use and more and-” he made himself shut up by clapping a hand over his mouth, pausing to take a deep breath before letting go. “Maybe I’m the one that needs to calm down.”

Castiel felt his face burn, Dean couldn’t decide what to call him because it was him. “I-I-no.” Castiel finally managed to string together. “I just thought I misheard you, that’s all.” He laughed awkwardly. He felt his insides boil from joy and embarrassment. He had finally begun to notice Dean had some slight affection for him as well, it wasn’t just the seemingly random and comforting kisses, but the actual fact that Castiel had been at his lowest and Dean didn’t even judge him for it. So he did care for Castiel, and apparently a lot. Castiel suddenly longed for the small kisses again, his lips felt numb and useless without Dean’s. Hell, his entire body felt that way when he strayed too far.

Dean studied Castiel for a minute, frowning. He licked his lips and swallowed quietly, trying to counter the dryness in his mouth before speaking again. “Maybe you coming over wasn’t such a great idea.” He said finally, his gaze flickering to the floor. “I’ll walk you home once the rain let’s up a little more.” He could still hear it falling heavily outside even though most of the storm had passed.

Castiel’s heart sunk to his toes, his entire body didn’t just ache anymore, it felt as if it had been hollowed out and filled with sand and static. He sat on the couch for a few more moments and hung his head. “I’m sorry Dean.” Castiel breathed, on the verge of tears. “I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused you, but thank you for at least trying to help me.” Castiel breathed quietly, standing up and walking out the house, not even caring about the downpour or his forgotten bag.

He walked home slowly, hearing the thundering pitter-patter of the rain all around him. Of course fate would screw him over. Large hands grasped his collar and shoved him against the tall fence behind him. It was hard to see who had held onto him, but he eventually recognized the previous groups of harassers.

“Looks like the fag rat came out of his den.” The one holding him sneered. Castiel hung his head, barely fazed by the events. His body began to tremble in the man’s grip, not from fear, but from the chilled rain that never seemed to let up.

“Just go ahead and punch me.” He muttered tonelessly. “He’s not going to come anymore” The man gave a wicked grin and did as Castiel had authorized.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied about the cliff hanger I'm so sorry don't hate me


	3. Everything Else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's so many cliff hangers I'm so fucking sorry.
> 
> I was originally going to upload this last night but got caught up doing ten other things so here I am, uploading this freaking fic at 2:30 a.m. You're welcome.

As soon as Castiel left, Dean realized the mistake he’d made. But it wasn’t until a few minutes after that he realized the consequences it could mean. He was out of the house within seconds, following the route he knew Castiel would have taken home. He felt his heart stop when he saw the group from earlier, all focused on one spot: Cas. He didn’t have time to think, running up to the man preparing another punch and tackling him to the ground. The first few hits landed were controlled, thought out. But after that it just came to him like breathing and he didn’t even think about it. Arm pulled back on the inhale, swing forward on the exhale. There was no pattern or reason, he just wanted to hurt him.

“Fight back!” He roared. “Fucking fight back you son of a bitch!”

“Dean! Stop it!” Castiel shrieked in sobs. He ran over to pull him off only to be yanked back by other members of the group. “Dean, please! Please stop! Just leave him alone, please!” he pleaded, feeling his heart swell in his throat. “Please….”

Dean pulled his fist back again, but was stopped by Castiel’s words. Instead, he grabbed the front of the man’s shirt and yanked him half up so he could see the rest of his group.

“You tell them to leave my friend alone and I won’t break the rest of the bones in your face.” He looked over at Castiel, feeling a burst of anger at the fact that he was hurt but trying to not let it show. “When they let you go, go home. Right away. Don’t stop.”

Castiel usually would have listened, but he didn’t know what to do or say, he hardly knew what was going on. “Stop trying to baby me, Dean.” Castiel tried to growl back only for his voice to crack. “Just make up your fucking mind!” Castiel shrieked, wriggling out of the groups shocked grip and running past Dean, not even sure of where he was going. It wasn’t home, that was for sure.

Several defensively growled threats and a well aimed punch to the jaw later, Dean was desperately trying to find Castiel. Getting no response from his house or anywhere else he would usually be resorted to phoning, still frantically searching in the rain.

“Cas, answer your damn phone!” He yelled, taking his stress out on the dialing tone instead.

Castiel later recalled leaving his phone in the plastic sack he had left behind Dean’s couch. He cursed at himself, realizing he’d have to go back for it later. The thought was quickly shaken away and he continued on, moving forward as he suddenly figured out where to go. Gabriel had mentioned to him this morning that he would be hanging at the bowling alley after school, it was only a few blocks from his house, but it was away from Dean and that was all that really mattered at the moment.

Gabriel was where he said he’d be, not bowling, but in the small arcade playing the beaten up games with the obviously sticky and stained knobs and buttons. He heard the familiar ring of the front door opening and peered over the side to welcome the newcomer. He smiled and held out his arms.

“Baby bro!” He greeted enthusiastically, not actually expecting a hug or anything. His happy demeanor dropped when he saw Castiel’s state. “Cassie, what happened to you?”

Castiel shivered from the cold AC blowing on his soaked body and he turned away, hoping to hide his bruised cheek. “D-Dean and I… we were hanging out and….” He stuttered. “We got… in a fight….” He huffed, gazing up every now and again to see Gabriel’s reaction. He took a deep breath and choked back a sob, knowing he would have to give a more detailed explanation in a moment.

Gabriel could tell by the way Castiel turned that something was wrong and he wasn’t above forcibly moving him to see the damage. “I’m going to kill him.” He said in a matter of fact tone, but the anger underlying his words was clear. “I can’t believe he actually hit you! Jesus!” he spun on the spot, pacing angrily for a moment before storming toward the door. “There had better be some damage on that boy, Cassie, if you just sat back and let him do this I’m gonna be pissed! You’ve gotta stick up for yourself.”

Castiel shook his head. “N-no, he didn’t hit me.” Castiel gagged, feeling as though he was going to throw up the small bit of pancakes Dean made for him previously. “Some guys did and he beat them up an- but the fight was before that.” He huffed, holding back tears.

“Here, sit down and take some deep breaths, when you start feeling better you can tell me everything, don’t leave one detail out.” Gabriel breathes, sitting Castiel on a stool next to him and pulling his younger brother to lean on his lips while he rubbed his back.

Castiel sobbed for a few moments, then managed to calm down. “Dean offered to let me come over since you guys weren’t going to be there very often anyway, then we met this group of guys who almost hit me until Dean came in and threatened them. Then we went back to his house and… and the lights went off….” Castiel gasped, remembering the fear and reassurance.

“Oh Cassie….” Gabriel sighed, knowing of the horrible fear.

“... He helped me and then… then we… kissed….” Castiel chuckled faintly, giving a small smile at the faint memory. The smile faded and he continued on. “He said he didn’t want to love and that he-he- was scared for some reason… I tried to help him with it and he just… got angry and said he would take me back home later, but I left anyway and then the guys found me and hit me… and Dean just hit them and hit them and…. GOD- it just looked like his intention was killing him…. I couldn’t face him so I… I ran here.” Castiel finished, holding back more sobs.

Gabriel paused for a moment, then moved his hand off Castiel’s back, allowing him to sit up again. “I can’t exactly stage his murder if he was helping you baby bro.” He took a breath and rubbed his back awkwardly. “Look, I’m not really an expert on this, like, at all, but you gotta consider the pros and cons here. Cons: the guy you like is a bit of a douche, thinks violence is the answer, people will give you shit for it. Pros….” he paused for a moment, then waved his hand. “I’m sure you can think of some yourself. From what I know about Dean-o, he’s not good enough for you. But let’s be honest, I’m never gonna think anybody in. If you think it’s worth putting up with everything you’re gonna be faced with then go for it and forget everyone else.” he took a moment to breathe and considered if what he’d said was actually what he wanted to say. “Yeah, that’s the advice I’m going with. But you’re not doing anything about it until at least tomorrow. You both need time to cool off.”

“Tomorrow might have to come a little early, Dean’s probably going crazy trying to find out where I ran off to.” Castiel croaked through his legs. He sat up slowly, staring at Gabriel’s knees and thought back to his advice. “He doesn’t think violence is the answer, he thinks violence is an option.” Castiel corrects. “But I’m being legitimate, Dean won’t stop until he’s checked himself that I’m okay before backing off.” Castiel sighed again.

“I wanna say you know best, but I’m still not entirely sure about it.” Gabriel smiled reassuringly, the grin falling short when he realized Castiel’s still blank expression.

Castiel shook his head in annoyance, water slinging from his hair and onto the beige tile. “He made pancakes last time he worried about me. Pancakes Gabriel.” Castiel huffed.

“Woah, that is bad. I didn’t even think he knew what a kitchen was.” Gabriel gasped in disbelief. He paused for a moment. “Were they good?” he asked before shaking his head, getting back on topic. “I can go grab your stuff and tell him you’re okay, he’ll have his family, I’ll make sure you’re not alone. It’ll be fine. There’s a reason you came to find me, you know I’m gonna look out for you….” He gave a weary sigh of realization when he noticed the look Castiel was giving him. “But you’re gonna do whatever you want, aren’t you?”

“I’ve gotta be the one to apologize to Dean. Me and him have to work it out, I’m not going to get you involved. I just… didn’t want to watch him beat a guy senseless if he wasn’t going to admit what he really felt. He likes me… I know he does. He’s kissed me at least twelve times today, half of them consciously and on the lips. He even told me about love, saying he was afraid to and addressing it towards me. But he couldn’t come out and say it for some reason. He’d rather skin anyone who got too close to me for his liking.”

“That ain’t healthy Cassie.” Gabriel commented, putting his hands in his pockets and rocking back and forth on his heels. “I’ll be the first one to thank him for sticking up for but, jeez, if he can’t even accept it….” He clapped a hand on Castiel’s shoulder and gave him a small frown. “Go with your gut is all I can say, and you know that if you need anything all you gotta do is ask. But at least wait till the rain stops before you go out again.

Castiel shook his head, water slinging across the floor lazily. “I’ve got to talk to him now, he made the pancakes after a five minute freak out. If I wait longer god knows what else he’ll do.” Castiel explained, standing up to hug Gabriel goodbye. “I should be home tonight, if not you can expect me to be at Dean’s.” Castiel called out, walking toward the door.

Gabriel knew nothing he said now would have any effect, so he just nodded, standing to walk Castiel to the door. “Well, like I said, if you need anything, just give me a call.” He waited until Castiel was a few steps out the door before yelling at him. “Make good choices!”

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Castiel called back weakly, running back out into the storm and bolting for the familiar neighborhood. He walks quickly, eyes constantly blinking away the rain so he could look for Dean before he saw the group from before. They all looked shaken up as they huddled close and headed away from the scene, Castiel noticed the leader not even there anymore. “Hey, hey, wait!” Castiel calls, dashing across the street and stopping in front of them. “Look, I’m really sorry for what Dean did, but I can’t find him and I was wondering if you knew where he was.” Castiel rambled, trying to catch his breath.

Dean rounded the corner and locked his eyes on the group. “What the fuck did I tell you?” He growls, striding forward with a locked glare and stance. Castiel rushes forward to keep him from attacking.

“Dean, Dean it’s okay. I’m fine, I’m not hurt, they didn’t do anything they were trying to help me find you.” Castiel huffs breathlessly, hoping that Dean would believe him. Dean studies Castiel for a moment and gave a small nod and a quiet grunt of agreement before leading Castiel back to his house.

When they arrived back Dean held the door open, but stood outside, waiting for Castiel to go in first then shutting the door behind them once again. He gently held Castiel’s chin between his thumb and finger, looking at his cheek and frowning as Castiel winced in slight pain.

“Should but some ice on that.” He commented, taking Castiel’s hand and leading him to the kitchen, preparing an ice pack and pressing it to the side of Castiel’s face. “If I go get you some dry clothes will you keep this on your face?”

Castiel nodded slowly, holding the ice pack gingerly to his already blue cheek. He winced again when he realized that the punch had done more damage than expected. It had even split his lip slightly, a small amount of dried blood still clinging to his soft pink lips. He probably looks like hell, soaking wet and beaten up, but at least Dean was helping him. Castiel watched him strut out the kitchen, his bow legs pointing in opposite directions. Castiel gave a small smile and continued to put pressure on the bruise without worsening the bruise.

Dean came back within minutes, not having gotten changed, but bringing dry clothes of his own for Castiel, forgetting that his bag still resigned in the hallway. “Let me take a look.” he said quietly, peeling the ice pack away and frowning at the bruise. “I think I might have dislocated that guys jaw. I should’ve done worse.” He took the ice pack and handed the clothes to Castiel instead, flicking on the kettle to make drinks to warm them up.

Castiel cupped his numb yet tender cheek and glanced at the clothes. “Thank you Dean. I will return momentarily.” Castiel smiled, exiting the kitchen and clutching the dry clothes as he headed toward the closest bathroom. He peeled away his soaked cardigan and dress shirt, making a small face in disgust at the noise it emitted. He pulled away at his jeans and sighed when he realized his boxers were drenched as well. He peeled the rest of his clothes away and tugged on a pair of gray sweatpants, then pulled the larger black shirt over and glanced at the design. It read ‘Led Zeppelin’ on the front in a font Castiel didn’t recognize with a man posing oddly below it. He shrugged and threw it over his cold body. Not sure what to do with the wet clothes he hung them over the shower pole and headed back to the kitchen.

Dean finished making drinks, hot chocolate again for comfort, then rested his knuckles  on the ice pack momentarily regretting attacking the guy earlier. He turned when he heard Castiel come back and to say he felt a sudden surge of possessiveness would be an understatement. He looked Castiel over slowly, licking his lips as he did, eyeing him up as though the clothes he were wearing were invisible. When he caught Castiel’s eye, the coughed awkwardly, feeling his cheeks flush bright red. “Feel any better?”

“Yes, thank you.” Castiel replied, taking a seat at the small table. “Although, I’m not sure why you supplied me with articles of your closet seeing as I still have my bag.” Castiel reminded, rubbing his chilled red arms for warmth.

Dean blinked in Castiel’s direction and gave a small chuckle. “I wanna say it was some kind of gesture of solidarity but, uh, I just kind of forgot you had your bag.” He admitted, walking across to the table and passing Castiel a drink. “You want me to get you a sweatshirt of something? I’m gonna go change in a sec, I can easily grab you something….” He offered, more than happy to keep the topic of conversation on mundane chit chat rather than the alternative of talking about what had happened. He sneezed loudly again and rubbed his nose until it was bright red. “Maybe that secshould be now. I’ll be right back.”

Castiel smiled and watched as Dean strode forward into his room and stood up to open the grocery sack. He stretched the plastic apart and pulled out a small maroon jacket. It wasn’t much, but it would help with the chills at least. He stood up and felt sick for a moment, then shrugged it away, walking back to his chair as he continued to wait for Dean.

Dean came back shortly afterwards in a plain white T-shirt and gray sweatpants that matched the ones he’d given Castiel. He gave a small laugh at the jacket Castiel had put on and shook his head, throwing a bundled blue sweater at him from across the room.

“That’ll do you more good, trust me.” His first step into the kitchen elicited in a small hiss simply due to the fact that he hadn’t put on socks and he ended up tiptoe-jogging across the cold floor and sitting back where he was previously, feet tucked up onto the chair with him. “Your face really does look bad, you need something for it?”

Castiel blushed and shook his head as he pulled the sweatshirt on over his jacket. “You should pay more attention to yourself. You look pale, not to mention you haven’t stopped shaking since we came back.” Castiel noticed.

Dean frown and waved it off. “Must be adrenaline or something.” He said dismissively, picking up his drink and taking a sip, narrowing his eyes at it have the audacity to cool down in his absence. “Where’d you go anyway? I looked all over for you.” He tucked his knees under his chin, using them as a head rest while still being able to watch Castiel.

“I went to Gabriel.” Castiel sniffed, now feeling slightly exhausted. It wasn’t exactly smart to wander around in the chilly autumn rain while battling teenage drama. “But seriously, Dean, you don’t look so hot. Maybe you should take something and lie down.” Castiel began, changing the subject away from him.

“I always look hot, shut up.” Dean countered, shaking with a shiver that took over his whole body before closing his eyes and continuing, speech a little more slurred but hardly noticeable. “So, you went away and then came back. Do you really think that was the cleverer...er...er…” he paused for a moment, frowning and trying to realize where he’d gone wrong. “-Est! Thing to do?” he finally managed to finish.

“It probably wasn’t, Dean.” Castiel agreed, standing up and walking toward Dean. “Here, we should get you to your bed, and don’t fight me on this.” Castiel chuckled weakly, letting out a small grunt as he tried to lift the larger man.

Dean tried to resist for a moment, then went halfway, feet sliding off the chair in the direction Castiel stood. Instead of standing himself, however, he found himself wrapping his arms around the backs of Castiel’s legs, pulling him close enough to nuzzle his face against his stomach. “I’m glad you came back.” He admitted quietly with a soft sigh. “Don’t scare me like that again.

Castiel stood for a moment, taken aback by Dean’s hands’ resting place and then patted his head, still slightly damp from the rain. “I’m sorry…” He sighed, feeling like a scolded child. “I guess I was just scared.” He admitted quietly, a shiver taking over his body as well. The tremble was more fierce than Dean’s, but thankfully shorter. “Come one, let’s get you in bed before you double over from the cold.”

Dean snorted and went willingly, latching onto Castiel like a monkey and keeping him hugged close. “I’m fine, you’re the one shaking. We’ll get you wrapped up tight and you can take a sleep and-” he was cut off with a sneeze and looked angry for a moment. “Rude.” He huffed, looking at his nose with a heavy lidded cross eye.

Castiel chuckled and pulled Dean closer, despite his own chills, whenever Dean pressed against him he felt warmer. Castiel practically pulled him up the stairs and into Dean’s room, laying him on the bed and grabbing a few extra covers.

Dean didn’t think twice about pulling Castiel down into the bed with him, wrapping layers around him before laying over them himself. “Feel better.” It was meant as a question, but came out as more of a demand. “And just kick me if you need anything.”

Castiel sat dumbfounded under the mountain of covers with Dean but eventually moved closer to him, curling up against his chest. “You too.” He smiled, yawning widely with a shake. He knew that if he fell asleep, he risked accidentally drooling on Dean, but eventually decided that sleep was more important than a little harmless teasing.

There was no doubt about Dean falling asleep, he was gone within minutes. He snored quietly next to Castiel, squirming his way out of any covers, but never moving far from Castiel. It didn’t take long before he was too uncomfortable to sleep, waking up and being hit with a wave of nausea. Despite this, he still tried to work his way carefully around Castiel, trying not to disturb him, getting out and running straight for the bathroom where he promptly emptied his guts into the toilet. He waited until he was finished before filling a glass of water from the bathroom sink, slumping down against the door and trying to stop the room from spinning.

Castiel sat up slowly, hearing a disturbing sound come from outside the bathroom. His head was pounding and his nose wouldn’t stop dripping. He absent-mindedly wiped the runny snot with the slightly larger sleeve of the sweatshirt and untangled himself from the covers. He immediately regretted doing so when he found himself shivering again, he stumbled down the hall and waited outside the bathroom.

“Dean?” Cas groaned, holding his head and quieting his voice for his migraine. “Are you okay? Do I need to get you anything?”

Dean shook his head, then realized Castiel couldn’t see and answered aloud, voice coming out hoarse. “I’m fine Cas, go back to bed, okay? I’ll be back in a minute, promise.” He doubted his own promise, though, only having enough energy to get another glass of water. He hunkered down, curled slightly around the toilet for a few minutes before he realized there was nothing left in his stomach to come back up. It took just as long for him to make his way to the door and open it, pausing to close the toilet lid and sitting for a few moments. After a couple of deep breaths and eyes closed in concentration, he managed to stagger out the bathroom, keeping himself supported using the wall.

Castiel sneezed as Dean opened the door and wiped the last bit of sleep from his eye. “Are you sure you’re okay, Dean?” Castiel asked, pulling up the large sleeve to feel Dean’s forehead. “You’re burning up, do you have any medicine for this downstairs?” He asks, pulling the sleeve back down to allow the tips of his fingers to peek out.

Dean tried to wave the whole thing off, but ended up just flinging his arm to the side and letting it snap back against his leg before looking Castiel over. “You look cute.” he commented with a dopey smile before his face screwed up again. “I think I’m dying.” He complained, rubbing his stomach with one hand and rubbing his head with the other. “You ain’t doing much better buddy, what do you need?”

Castiel shook his head weakly, but ended up toppling over against Dean. “Sorry, I’m fine.” Castiel croaked, pushing away, but finding himself too exhausted to.

“Here, you should get back in bed.” Dean sighs, wrapping an arm around Castiel and leading him back to the bedroom. Castiel nodded weakly, falling towards Dean from the comforting touch. Dean lay him back down and rolled the covers around him, noticing how the trembling hadn’t exactly improved. “I’ll be back.” He mumbles, turning out the door and heading for the stairs. He moved slowly down each one, cautious to not slip and fall and finally makes his way down, grabbing two bottles of water and some Advil before moving back up.

Castiel stirs when Dean comes back, helping him sit up and placing two pills in his trembling hand.

“Here, this should help.” He sighs, handing Castiel a bottle of water after he swallowed. He moves back around and curls up next to Castiel, shivering slightly, but obviously trying to control it. Castiel leans up and reaches for the Advil only to slip and tumble off the bed, groaning as he tried to shift out of the covers.

“I’m fine.” he mumbles before Dean can worry. He struggles his way back up only to feel Dean’s larger hands tug him by the arms and wrap him back up. “No, you need medicine as well.” Castiel sighs, wriggling an arm free and shakily grabbing the bottle.

Dean shakes his head, too stubborn to take the offer of medicine when someone clearly needed it more. Especially when that someone was Castiel. “‘M fine Cas.” He croaks out, tugging Castiel back down to the bed. Castiel does as signaled to and sighs, hating how he couldn’t do anything to help Dean. He’s nearly asleep again when he, too, suddenly feels nauseous. He sits up bolt right in the bed and scurries away, one hand on his stomach and the other over his mouth in case he wouldn’t be able to make it. He nearly doesn’t and soon finds himself practically leaning into the toilet and vomiting the small portion of pancakes Dean had made for him earlier.

Dean hefts himself up and stumbles back in, leaning to sit next to Castiel and rubbing his back as he emptied his guts out. After a small bit of silence he speaks up.

“You sure you’re alright? I could call a doctor or something.” He offers, finding himself dizzy by the bright bathroom light and leaning against the tub beside Castiel.

Castiel turns, panting hot and heavy breaths as he lays his burning face against the cooler seat. “I don’t exactly see that as necessary, I’m sure it’s just a cold.” He huffs, turning to vomit again. “However, it wouldn’t hurt to have someone come check us out, do you know anyone with an extensive knowledge of illnesses?” Castiel grunts, sitting back up.

“Honey, I don’t know anyone with ‘an extensive knowledge of illnesses’.” Dean chuckles, lowering his already raspy voice to mock Castiel’s. “I’ve got water and bed, you’ve gotta decide how bad you feel though.” Dean sighs.

Castiel goes to answer, but ends up turning back into the toilet to gag. “I’ll wait and see if it lightens up.” He grunts, finally throwing up again. Dean leans forward and rubs Castiel’s back, suddenly chuckling.

“So much for Benny’s party this weekend.” Castiel manages to chuckle between gags.

“Fuck Benny’s party, we’ll have our own pity party.” Dean laughs. “So let it out, and let it in.” He chuckles, stopping when his voice cracked and burning.

Castiel smiles at the weak music and throws up again, suddenly feeling something runnier than snot drip from his nose. He falls back, blood dribbling down his lips and chin as he shivered on the floor.

“Dean….” He croaks out, trying to whimper, but ending up sounding far worse. “C-call a d-doctor….”

Dean could usually keep his head in these sorts of situations, but eventually found himself frozen in fear at the sight of Castiel. He nods quickly and rushes back to the room, grabbing blankets and his cell and shuffling back to the bathroom. He sits Castiel back up and wraps him up, knowing it's not best to stay cold in this sort of situation. He dials Gabriel’s number and taps his foot in impatience as he waits for Gabriel to pick up.

“Gabe? Hey, it’s Dean. No, I didn’t rape him. Yeah, screw you too.” He huffs, leaning down and pushing Castiel’s dark hair from his sweaty and pale face. “Look, Cas is sick or something. Can you meet us at the hospital?” Dean finally huffs. “Great, thanks, we’ll be there soon.” Dean hangs up and then quickly dials the paramedics. “Hello? Yeah, it’s an emergency. My boyfriend, he… he’s sick and I… I don’t know what to do.” Dean chokes out, tears threatening to spill. Dean nods in understanding as the person on the other line informs him of what to do. He thanks them quickly and helps Castiel sit up. “Paramedics are on their way, you okay?” He asks, grabbing a wad of toilet paper and cleaning the blood from Castiel’s face.

Castiel nods weakly, eyelids heavy with exhaustion. “I’m fine, are you okay?” He gags, leaning into the toilet again before Dean can answer.

“I’m good, you’re way worse than me.” Dean huffs out unevenly, patting Castiel’s back to help him get it out of his system. “Gabriel’s on his way, he’ll be there a little after we get there… hopefully.” He sighs, pushing back Castiel’s sweaty bangs

“God… I hate this….” Castiel groans. “How long does it usually take paramedics to arrive?” He asks, turning to gag.

“I’m not sure, just give it a few minutes.” Dean sighs, hands returning up to Castiel’s back and rubbing supportively. A couple of minutes and a few dry heaves later the ambulance finally arrives. Dean had to practically carry Castiel’s limp body down the steps and out the door. A man helps him lie Castiel on the cot and has Dean explain as they lift him in.

“He wasn’t feeling too good and he just started throwing up, then his nose started going just….” Dean gasps out, looking at Castiel’s weak body sitting in the cold back of the ambulance. “Just help him… please.” The paramedic nods and allows Dean to sit in the back with Castiel while they tried to keep him warm and nourished.

“W-wait.” Castiel croaks out, looking as though he were about to collapse. “Dean needs m-medicine too.” He huffs, lying back and finally falling unconscious. Dean insists he’s fine the entire ride to the hospital and walks along the side of Castiel’s cot. Before he can follow them into the room, he was pushed back and forced to sit with Gabriel, who had noticed their entrance and headed toward them immediately. Once Castiel had been stabilized his doctor brought Dean and Gabriel in to check on him.

“It’s a mild case of pneumonia.” He sighs. “Shouldn’t be but a few days, a week at most.” He explains.  Gabriel flashes Dean a glance, knowing that he should be in the same boat as Castiel. They decide to walk out and leave him to rest.

“Dean, how the hell are you still standing?” Gabriel hisses. “You were in the rain way longer than Cassie, you should be the same, if not worse.”

“Way to make me feel better about the situation Gabe.” Dean huffs.

“I’m serious Dean, take a load off. Get home. You need rest.” Gabriel continues. He pauses for a moment and eventually speaks up again. “Thanks for helping Cas.”

“What?”

“I said thanks for helping Cassie, in the dark and just now.” He sighs. Dean swallows thickly and nods.

“Well, it’s not like I’m gonna let him get worse on my bathroom floor.” He grunts.

“Sure, that’s what it is.” Gabriel chuckles.

“What?” Dean huffs, raising his voice slightly. Gabriel smirks and starts singing quietly.

“Dean and Cassie sitting in a tree F-U-C-K-I-N-”

“Gabe!” Dean huffs, clapping a hand over his mouth. “Shut it, it’s not like that.”

Gabriel rolls his eyes, still smirking. “Sure it isn’t.”

“Can you shut up?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was at a loss of the original emails for some parts of this chapter so I basically pulled a lot of it from my ass and hoped it looked good. I'm not even joking I bullshitted half the ending it's ridiculous.  
> Again with the cliffhangers.


	4. Are You Bruised, Are You Broken?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no e-mail and I almost didn't get to update this because I lost so much blood that I ended up fainting and needing to be picked up from school. On the bright side, I get to stay home tomorrow.

Castiel opened his eyes slowly, blinking numerous times to get used to the incredibly bright lights. He sits up, finally used to the lighting, and swallows down whatever’s left of his stomach. He notices and IV sticking from his arms and jolts to full consciousness. He pulls it out, letting out a small hiss of pain and then pushing himself up from the bed. He leans on the wall and heads out the door, walking past a few rooms before he noticed Dean and Gabe not too far down the hallway.

“Dean….” Castiel coughs, nearly falling from the wall.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Dean huffed, striding toward Castiel and helping him stand. “Let’s get you back in bed.” Dean coos.

“Dean-O’s right Cassie, you gotta go rest up. C’mon, let’s get you hooked back up and you’ll be right as rain in no time.” He faked enthusiasm and started shepherding Castiel back into the room he’d come from.

“What’s wrong with me?” Castiel croaked out to the doctor. His voice was rough and gravely, his head and stomach not doing much better.

Gabriel tried to tug Castiel back to the room, keeping gentle as though he would break otherwise. “How about we get you back in there and on the way to recovery and then he can tell you what’s up?” He didn’t leave very much room for argument, angling himself between Castiel and the doctor so he could try and make Castiel go easier. Dean nodded encouragement to Castiel and then glanced at Gabriel.

“In the meantime I’m gonna go take a leak.” Gabriel paused, trying to make Castiel do as he was told and frowned at Dean.

“Go home after that.” He huffs. Dean shook his head at that, clearly once again having no intention of listening, before half running down the corridor and leaving Gabriel to continue his task of getting Castiel back to bed.

Castiel fought Gabriel most of the way to the room, but ended up being too weak to fight. “Gabriel, what’s wrong with me and Dean?

“Relax, it’s nothing fatal.” Gabriel chuckles. “Just a little pneumonia, that’s all. You two should be good as new by next Friday.”Gabriel made sure Castiel was settled back before moving away so the doctor could reattach the IV, glancing at the door as Dean came back in looking like he hated everything. “Feeling better?” Gabriel asks, not even sounding sympathetic at all. Dean flips him off and dragged a chair closer to the side of Castiel’s bed, hunkering down in it and looking to Cas.

“How you feeling?” He asks, tucking his legs up onto the chair and resting his chin on his knees.

“Nauseous, dizzy, my insides feel like they’re boiling, but at the same time I feel like that one superhero you like that came from an iceberg.” Castiel replies, almost moaning in pain.

Dean gave a quiet huff of laughter at that, which turned into a not-so-quiet coughing fit.

“We’re definitely gonna have to marathon superhero movies.” He promises, giving Castiel the best smile he could manage. He closed his eyes for a moment and struggled to open them again, scowling at the fact. “Doctors are doing everything they can to fix you up, hopefully you’ll start feeling better soon.”

“It’s nothing more than a case of pneumonia Dean.” Castiel coughed. “I’m positive I will be released within the next week and a half. Have they checked anything for you? I recall you having similar symptoms before I doubled over.” Castiel shuddered at the memory, then continued as he pulled a cover over himself. Despite the fact the doctors had turned the heater up for the room he still found his teeth chattering.

Dean stood slowly, frowning at Castiel. “You want me to see if I can grab you some more blankets or anything?” He asks, turning for the door only for Gabriel to turn him around and sit him back down.

“If you’re not gonna accept help then at least stop being an idiot.” he reprimanded, then looked over to Castiel. “Anything else you need?”

“Blankets would be lovely.” Castiel nodded. “Perhaps a glass of water as well.” He sighs, wrapping the covers around him tighter and held back a fierce shiver, trying to not look as miserable as he felt.

Dean waited until Gabriel had left the room before moving his chair closer to Castiel, angling it alongside the bed and reaching out to take his hand and give it a reassuring squeeze.

“Chin up, buddy.” he said quietly, kissing the back of his knuckles before wiping his thumb across them again. He allowed his head to drop onto the bed and kept his eyes half open, fixed on Castiel. “It's okay with you if I haul my sorry ass home when Gabriel comes back? If you want the company I’ll stay but….”

“It feels reassuring to have you close, but I worry for your health as well. You may leave if you wish, but promise you won’t stay home alone.” Castiel coughed, squeezing Dean’s fingers as he turned away to cough into the pit of his elbow. Dean sighed and allowed his eyes to close slowly, moving his head so it was more comfortable.

“That ain’t a promise I can make.” he said, the quietness having nothing to do with being sick. “But it’s really not that bad, nowhere near as bad as you are. Just needa sleep it off or something….” he rambles, slurring some of his words, but having to purposefully keep his eyes shut now. “Just want you to keep me updated on how you’re doing.”

“As do I with you.” Castiel managed to cough out, leaning up afterwards to wrap his arms around Dean. “Thank you for helping me Dean. Now for once can I try and help you?” Castiel croaks out, his voice beginning to fade. Dean stayed still for a moment, relaxing into Castiel’s embrace before sighing and squirming around to get him to let go.

“When you start feeling better. I won’t argue or anything, just as long as you’re okay first. It matters to me Cas, a lot.”

“I can tell.” Castiel yawned. “However, you are just as important to me so if by 10 o’ clock your father and Sam have not returned, I was you to call Gabriel and tell him you are in need of assistance. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.” Dean leaned back in his chair away from Castiel, resting his head in his hand and rubbing his temple.

“What if I don’t think they’re coming back at all?” He asked, keeping his eyes closed, clearly not having acknowledged this possibility before but knowing it had a chance of being true.

“Then… either stay with Gabriel and my brothers or stay with me.” Castiel choked, turning away for another coughing fit. “We have most of the same symptoms, Dean. If yours suddenly gets worse, I don’t want you to be alone on the floor.”

“Which sounds great to me right now.” Dean complained as best he could, not moving since finding a passably comfortable position to sit in. He knew he was being stubborn, but he felt so wrecked that he didn’t even care. The only reason he wasn’t doing exactly what he wanted already was because he was still worried about Castiel. “I’ll be fine, Cas, honest.”

“Dean, you claimed to be afraid of nothing but later confessed to being afraid of several things. I don’t trust for a moment that you telling me you’re fine is something you actually mean.” Castiel protested, pulling a cover closer to him and turning to sneeze. “I know I’m sick, and I know I have to wait to get better. Now can you try not be stubborn and accept that you’re the same?”

Dean opened his mouth to try and reason with Castiel then hunched his shoulders up and winced at the sound of the door banging open as Gabriel came back in, one arm full of blankets and a jug of water in the other.

“Hope nobody died while I was gone!” he said, sounding cheerful but looking more concerned. He threw another blanket over Castiel and poured him a glass of water before glancing at Dean. “Staying or going?” Dean paused for a moment, looking between Castiel and Gabriel before heaving a heavy sigh.

“Staying.” he grumbled, repressing a small shiver and wrapping his arms around himself instead before having a spare blanket spaced around his shoulders. “Happy?” He asked Castiel, giving a small thankful nod at Gabriel for the extra layer.

“Don’t make it sound as if I wouldn’t let you leave, I just won’t let you go unsupervised.” Castiel chuckled, drinking the water before another coughing fit could take over. “What about you Gabriel? Are you staying or will you and the others change shifts?” Dean pulled a face at Castiel and wrapped the blanket around himself more, hiding his face under it as he sneezed six times in quick succession. Gabriel waited until he was done to answer Castiel.

“If you want me to stay, I’ll stay. If you want the others… well, I’ll probably still stay. You just have to put up with them as well.”

“I don’t mind who stays or goes, I just wanted to be aware of who to expect.” Castiel replied, turning to Dean and lifting his head from the covers so he could face him. “Bless you. Six times.” Castiel chuckles. Gabriel shrugged and wandered around the edge of the room.

“I’m gonna go call one of the others and let you know who’s coming, sound okay?” He kept wandering but got restless after a few seconds. “Hospitals are really boring.” Dean huffed at Castiel’s small laugh and burrowed deeper into the blanket.

“Looks like you’re starting to feel better.” Dean grumbles.

“I think the medicine that was given to me could have a possible role in it.” Castiel chuckles again. “Gabriel, when you call them, please don’t make me sound like the most miserable person on the planet to guilt trip them here.” He scowls. “Otherwise, I think everything is in order.”

“I changed my mind.” Dean said grumpily, looking slightly green for a second before seeming to get it under control. “I definitely don’t love you, no sir-ee.” The lie was so obvious it made Gabriel choke on air and Dean’s face went bright red since he’d forgotten he was even there. “Shit, I uh- I just meant-” he gave Castiel the guiltiest look in existence and was about to apologize profusely but got cut off by a coughing fit.

“Looks like the cold’s messing with your head!” Castiel laughed awkwardly, trying to clean up Dean’s mess of a sentence. “Gabriel, how about you go call the others while Dean and I have a… little chat….” Gabriel nodded quickly and left the room, pausing at the door to send a wink back at Castiel before allowing it to shut. As soon as Dean got his coughing under control and heard the door click he immediately started apologizing.

“Cas, I’m sorry. It really is messing with my head, I forgot he was even here. I didn’t mean to out you, jeez, I’m sorry.” He tried to stand and pace like he sometimes did when he was stressed, but his knees gave out and he fell back into the chair.

“Dean, it’s fine. Really. I told Gabriel whenever I met him at the bowling arena this afternoon. He is the only brother who knows, so don’t worry so much.” Castiel croaked out happily, patting Dean’s shoulder in reassurance. “Now then, how about we talk? I’ve got a few questions for you. For example, why did you call me your boyfriend to the paramedics? I don’t think such a blunt lie on your behalf would have done any good in the situation. At least, not that I can think of. It confused the hell out of me before I fainted. Care to explain?”

“Not really?” Dean tried, stubborn as ever. He sighed wearily and rubbed his head, squinting slightly at the lights. “Part of it was the fact I didn’t know if they’d let me come with you if we were just friends. Figured it gave some leeway in making sure you were okay…” he knew Castiel wouldn’t accept the half answer but he couldn’t carry on. He couldn’t even look at him, instead curling and uncurling his fingers in Castiel’s blanket in front of him.

“I appreciate your effort in trying to remain by my side Dean. However, I’m entirely sure you confused Gabriel as well when they gave him the run over. Seeing as when he entered they most likely let him read over the call. So, either way you kind of told Gabriel I’m gay, but no biggie.” Castiel blushed, trying to hold down a sneeze and cough at the same time. The smile quickly faded and contorted into a pained frown as Castiel leaned over the bedside and grabbed a nearby trash can to vomit for the fifth time or so. Dean felt guilty, but nodded anyway.

“I wasn’t thinking straight, but if he knew already… and you were going to tell him soon anyway….” he paused for a moment and looked confused, cheeks turning red at a small temperature spike. “So why’d you make him leave? If he knew everything already?’ he pushed the blanket that was on his shoulders onto the floor and spread out in hopes of cooling down a little.

“I told Gabriel to leave because I was worried you might say something else you’ll later regret.” Castiel managed to say before being hit with another wave of nausea and dry heaving into the trash can. “I figured you would want some time to think over what you said until you wouldn’t be embarrassed, especially considering the common fact that Gabriel would most likely tease you about it.” Castiel added, sitting up and pulling the cover around his chilled body. The blanket brushed against his bruised cheek, causing him to let out a pained hiss and scrunch his nose.

Dean blinked blankly, then felt his stomach turn, bracing his hands on the arms of the chair until the feeling subsided. “Yeah, I’m still not getting it. The only thing I reg-” he was cut off by a sneeze. “Reg-” the same thing happened again and he held up one hand until he sneezed once again and carried on, rubbing his nose like it had caused offense. “Regret was totally dropping you in the shit. But if I didn’t do that then what else do I have to be embarrassed about?” He shivered in a way that looked exaggerated and felt around the floor for the discarded blanket. “Did they even do anything for your face? It not like they can put ice,” he gave another shiver at the mention of anything cold. “On it, but they could at least try something….”

“I would guess they’re just putting some sort of ointment on for now. How are your knuckles? I recall them being in pain once or twice.” Castiel continued, sitting up and inching away from the trash. He pulled the blanket closer against him and sneezed inside to keep it from spewing onto Dean.

“Seem fine.” Dean answered honestly, well, half honestly. Compared to how the rest of him felt, his knuckles felt like nothing. Although his hand did admittedly feel slightly swollen. He pulled the blanket up around his neck more then thought for a moment. “Well, one good thing. I reckon by the time we get back to school all the rumors will have finished spreading.”

“I’m okay with rumors.” Castiel lied. Whenever Dean thought he and Meg were forming a relationship it honestly sickened him, didn’t people have anything else to do besides make up stuff about him? “Well, I’m glad you don’t appear as ill or pained as I remember.” Castiel sighs. “But you still need rest. So don’t do anything stupid, understand?”

“Sure, Do you want me to stop breathing too?” Dean asked sarcastically, breath actually catching in his throat and triggering a small coughing fit. He leaned his head back, looking at the ceiling and breathing for a minute before rolling his head to the side to look at Castiel. “And don’t lie to me, I know you don’t like rumors. But I’ll kick ass for you, it’s okay.” He gave a  weak, slightly dopey looking smile, then rolled his head back again, finding it easier to breathe normally like that.

“I wonder what Gabriel’s up to.” Castiel croaked out. There was a loud crash outside and he gave a small laugh. “Nevermind, maybe we could have him get us food? I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry even though the nausea will most likely ruin it.”

Dean shook his head quickly, wincing at a sharp pain that shot through his head. “Don’t wanna even think about food.” Gabriel wandered back into the room, shoving his phone back into his pocket.

“Sup lovebirds!” he laughs, sitting down at the edge of Castiel’s bed and bouncing a little as he did. “I called Mike, he almost threw a fit. I may have told a teeny white lie in order to get him to not come straight down so, you know, you’re welcome. And don’t worry, I left out the whole hoo-ha with you two as well.”

“Gabriel, we haven’t formed a romantic relationship, we’re just friends as I’m constantly reminded.” Castiel managed. “In the meantime, could you get me something to eat? Nothing too solid or it will spike the nausea, also get some for Dean in case he changes his mind.” Castiel wiped a layer of sweat from his brow and tore the cover away, now feeling overheated. Castiel looked between Castiel and Dean for a minute.

“Uh-huh, okay.” He says, clearly not believing what Castiel said before heading to the door again. “Food is on it’s way!” He calls eagerly as though he were on a mission, checking either way out the door before leaving. Dean remained silent throughout the whole exchange, not even moving once Gabriel left.

“Your brother is like crazy loud, does he realize that?” He huffed a breath and stood up, testing his footing before rearranging Castiel’s covers so they’d be easier to put back on then walking shakily around the room.

“You appear disturbed, uncomfortable.” Castiel says bluntly. “You have a loss of stillness and find it disturbing to sit, hinting that you were or are not prepared for a certain event or something of the like. May I ask what has you troubled?” Castiel asks, leaning over to grab his glass of water.

Dean shook his head, walking to the window and opening it with a little more effort than it would have usually taken. “Just want some air.” He lies discretely, leaning against the window frame and taking a few deep breaths before turning back to Castiel. “You know what? You’re right. You just seem pissed that we’re just friends. Like is that not-” His felt his temperature rise and his vision blacken for a moment, making him brace his hand against the wall. “-what we agreed? This is better for you in the long-” he shut his eyes tightly and leaned his back against the wall, sliding down it and sitting on the floor. “Just gimme a minute.”

“Stay still.” Castiel commanded, sipping more of his water the pulling a cover back over himself. “I am not aggravated in any way, I was merely trying to explain to Gabriel what you messed up.” Castiel began, throwing himself up from the bed to help Dean to his feet. “I was trying to help you because it’s the least I could do and you won’t usually let me-” Castiel fell forward to take one of Dean’s arms, but banged his head against the window sill and collapsing atop Dean’s limp body.

Gabriel chose this moment to come back in, arms full of food from the hospital cafeteria, but dropped it as soon as he saw Castiel on the floor. Ten minutes later the doctors had Castiel back in bed with a bandage wrapped around his head and Dean in a totally separate room. Gabriel fitted between the two rooms a couple of times before sitting in the vacated chair next to Castiel’s bed and waiting for him to come to.

 

Castiel’s head pounded when he came to, all he could hear was his blood pulsing with his heartbeat, every beat sounding louder than the last. It was terrifying considering all he saw was black, he opened his eyes and squinted, still not used to the bright lights of his hospital room. Gabriel was sitting next to him, or at least he hoped it was Gabriel. He leaned down his his long hair in his face and his head in his hands, looking worried to death.

“Gabriel?” Castiel croaked out, voice hoarse from lack of use. “Where’s Dean? What happened?” Gabriel immediately snapped to attention, having been dozing off slightly beforehand.

“Cassie, hey, how are you doing?” He grabbed Castiel a glass of water and help it to his lips so he could drink. “I came back in here and you were passed out, Dean looked about the same except he wasn’t unconscious. Doctors came in and sorted everything out so the only new thing really is your killer headache. How’s that going for you?”

“It honestly feels as though the common group of harassers from school found a way into my skull and decided to use it as a punching bag.” Castiel gurgled through the glass of water. Gabriel winces at the description. Castiel pushed Gabriel’s hand away in a reassuring way and smiled weakly. “I was a little thirsty Gabriel, not dehydrated.” He laughs, setting the cup on the bedside table, using his hand to support his extended arm as he leaned over. “So, Dean passed out too?” Gabriel watched Castiel intently as he moved about, as though one wrong move would make him break.

“He drifted in and out for a few minutes, finally gave in to it after they said you were gonna be okay. And just to ease your mind a little I did wander up and down a few times while you were out. He hasn’t woken up yet, so don’t panic.”

“He hasn’t woken up yet?” Castiel shrieked, now realizing that Dean’s illness was taking a turn for the worst. “How long have I been out? Surely he shouldn’t have taken this long to awaken, he said he wasn’t as bad as me... and I believed it! I’m such a fool!” Castiel cursed, slapping his forehead and leaning back into the pillow. “This is all my fault, if I hadn’t agreed spend the night neither of us would be sick.” Castiel whined through his hands. Gabriel placed his hands firmly on Castiel’s shoulders.

“Cassie, breathe, it’s nobody’s fault. You’re only gonna screw yourself over if you keep panicking like this.” He retracted his hands cautiously and sat back in his seat. “In answer to your questions: no, he hasn’t woken up yet. You were out for just over an hour, they don’t know how long he’ll take to wake up since with the symptoms he told them he shouldn’t have even passed out in the first place. But honestly baby bro, if either of you get really, really bad at least you’re in the best place for it.”

“I guess you’re right, but, does it look like he’s any worse than I?” Castiel asks, his voice cracking and tears spilling down his cheeks in fear for Dean.  “Does it look serious? Oh god, his dad and Sam aren’t home. They don’t know! Gabriel, you’ve got to tell them, he needs his family here too.” Castiel says in a panicking tone, black dots eating at his vision as he breathed unevenly. There was a split moment of silence before the door creaked in, revealing Michael and Lucifer’s cautious figures. Gabriel grabbed a tissue and patted at Castiel’s face, sighing quietly and he wiped up the tears.

“Take a deep breath, since he actually got admitted now the hospital called his dad.” Gabriel explains.

“And?” Castiel sniffs.

“No answer. Also ,,no phone number listed for Sam and no other family down apart from them. Just calm down before you do any damage.”

“Gabriel is right Castiel.” Michael replied suddenly, creeping along and sitting across from Gabriel stiffly. Lucifer remained by the door, clearly worried for Castiel but not one to become mother hen.

“So how are you holding up Cas?’ Lucifer asks eerily, not removing his gaze from the door. “I’m fine.” Castiel sniffed, palming the tears out of his eyes. “Gabriel, did you get food like you said you were earlier?” Castiel sighs, now realizing his apparent hunger. Gabriel gave a sheepish grin.

“I did, but I may have dropped it when I came back and panicked….” He paused then held up his hand and reached into his pocket. “Although, I do still have….” he pulls out a chocolate bar and a packet of peanut M&M’s and threw them onto the bed next to Castiel. “One of you guys want to go grab some actual food? Like I’m often told: ‘sugar does not constitute proper food.’” he said the last part in a purposely terrible imitation of Michael then laughed at his own impression.

“I do not understand what’s humorous to you Gabriel.” Michael muttered.

“I’m sure I can swing by and get some food for ya.” Lucifer smiled evilly.

“No, I’m not giving you a baseball bat to rob a diner. Stop asking.” Michael spat. Lucifer gave a fake pout and followed Michael out the door to grab some food.

“Gabriel, will you check to see if Dean’s come to?” Castiel asked suddenly, refocusing on Gabriel’s tired expression. Gabriel nodded, but didn’t move from his spot.

“I’ll go when Mike and Lucie get back. Who knows what trouble you might get into if you’re left on your own.” He paused for a moment, glancing at the door then back to Castiel again. “Just a recommendation, I would save any, uh, serious conversations with the others until you’re better and home and stuff. Just in case.” Castiel gave a confused look, then nodded quickly, understanding what Gabriel was insinuating.

“How many needles did they shove in me?” He gripes, shifting on his back to let his pierced arm get comfortable. “A better question, what happened when I passed out?” Gabriel shrugged and leaned back in his chair, recounting the story as best he could.

“Well, all I know is I came back and heard this thud and you were passed out on the floor and there was blood all over the place where you hit your head. You wouldn’t believe how much would come out of a not-that-big cut. Anyway, your ‘friend’ looked like death and was tryna get to you, but I yelled for help and they came in and sorted your head out and got you back in bed while they took Dean-O away up the hall. After that it was just the waiting game really.” Castiel reached up, shocked to now feel a bandage.

“I hit my head?” He mumbled, fingers grazing over the gauze. “All I remember was that Dean was weak and couldn’t stand so I went to help him up and then….” Castiel stopped for a moment, trying to recall the next scene. “I woke up here….” He finishes, retracting his hand slowly. His face contorted in confusion and he refocused on Gabriel. “Why do you keep sarcastically saying ‘friend’ when referring to Dean? Do you currently hold something against him?”

“Dude, you whacked your head on the way down.” Gabriel repeated, dodging the question for a moment. “How the hell did you not notice how it hurt like ten times worse?” He worried his bottom lip between his teeth and finally answered Castiel. “Believe me Cassie, I don’t have beef with Dean. I’m just humoring you. If you say you’re just friends then I got no choice but to go with it… doesn’t mean I actually believe you though.”

“I don’t recall injuring my head.” Castiel mumbled under his breath, wincing when his hand barely ghosted over the wound. “And as much as Dean says I’m better off without loving him the less I believe him. I notice that dreamy state he gives me, I don’t always see it, but I can still feel it. I just wish I knew why he’s so afraid to bring any of it up.” Castiel explained, letting his head fall deeper into the pillow. Gabriel frowned and shook his head.

“I know know Cas, I can’t speak for the guy. But I do have one observation. For someone who’s renowned for hitting on anything that moves, as far as I’ve heard his track record for dating is surprisingly short.” He paused, forgetting when he was going and clicking his fingers when the thought returned to him. “Don’t take it personally is what I’m getting at.” He frowned, almost disapprovingly as Castiel hissed at touching his head again. “And can you please just sit still and stop injuring yourself?”

“It’s hard….” Castiel whined. “I can do easy things like turning and holding stuff, but it takes a lot of effort. Not to mention this bed is hard as a rock.” He grumbled, shifting in the bed again and whimpering when the IV in his arm twitched. “I hate this. I can’t even think straight, or even see four feet in front of me. I’m sicker than I’ve ever been before and this time I don’t even know if Dean’s awake. This is quite possibly one of the lowest days of my life.”

“I know.” Gabriel said with genuine sympathy. “But at least it can’t get much worse, right?” He stood up and walked to look out the door to see if Michael and Lucifer were on their way back and stood by Castiel instead, bouncing slightly on the spot. “How about you forget everything else and concentrate on not moving and getting better?”

“Yeah.” Castiel muttered solemnly. “Do  you promise to check on Dean once Michael and Lucifer get here? Or am I going to have to disobey doctors order to find out myself?” Castiel asks, turning to sneeze.

“I promise.” Gabriel sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “So long as you stop doing anything stupid. You want me to report back or hang out there until the hospital can contact his dad?” He blinked at the fact that he actually willingly suggested that then shrugged it off. Giving Castiel some peace of mind was a high priority and if that helped then so be it.

“I don’t know,” Castiel shrugged. “I just can’t sit still knowing that he’s alone in there and that he’s going to be worried to death when he wakes up and realizes I’m not there. It wouldn’t matter if he knew he was naked, he would still come out of the room just to find out what happened.” Castiel exaggerated, waving his hands in the air for affect. His shoulder popped audibly, forcing him to let out a hiss of pain and lower his arms.

“Sit. Freaking. Still.” Gabriel said, flailing his hands in exasperation. “I’ll tell your boyfriend everything on the condition that you get yourself better.” He looked around the room quickly then though for a second. “I might try and swing something else but I’m not gonna get your hopes up just yet, okay?”

“Thank you Gabriel, although I may not be able to promise anything.” Castiel chuckles weakly. “Where are the extra blankets?” He asks, shifting out of the covers to look for them. Gabriel huffed, but got Castiel extra blankets, tucking them around him like he was a child.

“So much for staying still.” He muttered under his breath, wandering to the door to check for Michael and Lucifer again. When they finally did come back with food, Gabriel left with a warning ‘be nice’ to Lucifer and a reassuring smile to Castiel.

“So, Castiel, how are you feeling now?” Michael asked curtly, setting several different items of good down on the bedside table.

“I’m fine now, but Gabriel treats me as if I’m porcelain and that if I move I’ll shatter to dust.” Castiel sighed, taking a sip of water. “I’m just thankful you two arrived quickly. Gabriel had promised to check on Dean once you had returned and I was beginning to worry about his progress. Were you informed of anything when you came back or is it all the same report we’ve been getting?” Castiel asked, biting into something he didn’t bother to look at. He was too famished to think before he ate. He just wanted food. Now.

Michael shook his head and sat in the vacant seat, crossing one leg over the other and placing his hands to the sides. “Simply that you have a severe case of pneumonia, which is being treated to the best of their ability. They’re monitoring your progress, but you shouldn’t get any worse. I recommend going easy on the food, though.” He added, watching Castiel with a small frown.

“No, don’t listen to him! I wanna see how long it takes before you puke!” Lucifer said evilly, wandering across to the window and jumping to sit on the window ledge.

“I wouldn’t get your hopes up Lucifer.” Castiel laughed. “I’m not feeling too nauseous right now, but I’m sure if you stay a while you will eventually see me vomit. That or dry heave.” Castiel continued, shoving more of the food into his mouth. “Speaking of monitoring, Gabriel, how’s Dean?” Castiel asks as Gabriel walks in.

Lucifer fist pumped the air at the moment Gabriel let himself into the room. “He just came to and he’s already bitching. They put one of those air tube things in his nose so he could breathe properly and he’s complaining about not being allowed to get up and come back in here. I told him you were fine and that calmed him down a bit, but he’s kinda freaking the fuck out a little bit.”

“Language Gabriel.” Michael reprimanded before looking back at Castiel. “Dean has been admitted as well? How did you both end up here?”

Lucifer laughed wickedly. “What they’re not telling us is that this is some secret sex accident and the sick thing is just a cover.” He joked, causing Gabriel to choke on air.

“It is nothing of the sort Lucifer!” Castiel squeaked, trying to sound dominant. “Dean was sick as well, he was starting to faint and I went to help him, but I hit my head and we both passed out.” Castiel blushed. “What kind of ‘sex accident’ could cause both of us to become ill with pneumonia? Or are you imagining some sort of dirty fantasy no ones ever heard of again?”

“Hey! I said the sick thing was a cover!” Lucifer defended, cackling as he did. “Or maybe you guys were going at it outside and got caught up in the storm. I’d laugh so hard if your dicks fell off-”

“Enough.” Michael interrupted sternly, giving Lucifer the most disapproving look he could manage. “Homosexuality is a sin and should not be joked about. I’m sure there’s a simple explanation as to how the two of them contracted the same illness, isn’t there Castiel?”

Castiel’s heart sank at Michael’s words. He gasped out noises, trying to form words and eventually found his sense of mind again. “We… Dean came to pick me up and it started raining… we both got caught in it for a long time and eventually went back to his house in hopes of shaking it off.” Castiel lied, looking desperately to Gabriel for a hand.

“You know what kids are like Mike, they don’t think about consequences like getting sick or anything. Staying out in the rain probably didn’t seem like that big of a problem.” Gabriel brought in, wandering across and sitting at the bottom of Castiel’s bed, legs dangling off and swinging his feet in Michael’s direction. “Also, there’s nothing bad about being gay. Freddie Mercury was gay, but I’m sure I’ve heard you singing Bohemian Rhapsody before….” The blank look Michael gave back proved that that was in fact untrue, then he turned his attention back to Castiel once again. “Let this be a lesson regardless. Wandering about in the rain is not an intelligent idea.” Gabriel gave a small sigh at the fact that Michael seemed to believe Castiel’s lie, smiling slightly at his sick brother.

“It’s not like we wandered around for hours, we were just running home to get out of it.” Castiel added, not sure what else to say about the subject. “But I am glad to hear he has awoken, did he seem… better?”

“Define better….” Gabriel said, turning to sit cross legged on the bed facing Castiel. “He seemed grouchy and blue. And I’m talking color not sad-blue. Apart from that he seems same as you really. Coughing and sneezing everywhere and looking like he want to chuck up his last week’s worth of food.” He shrugged and folded the corner of the blanket next to where he was sitting. “I may have lied and said you were making a speedy recovery, but I figured you’d like that better than him trying to get back here on his own.”

“As much as I want to see him you do have a point, Gabriel.” Castiel nods. “Although I’m not sure how he could blue. Unless he was freezing cold or holding his breath. But at least he thinks I’m okay so we can both return to normal health. Speaking of that, have the doctors said anything about when we may be released? Or when we’ll be safe to return to school?”

Michael chose this point to stand, straightening his clothes before sidestepping around the chair. “If you’ll excuse me, I shall go and find out that information as well as having a word with Mr. Winchester.” Gabriel gave Castiel an alarmed look as Michael exited the room, not feeling at all confident about the tone that Michael used.

“Dean’ll hold his own against Michael, right?” he asked, more hinting at Dean keeping his mouth shut than being in concern for him.

“If he tries to kill him, he’s already in the hospital.” Lucifer piped up from the other side of the room, now wandering with his hands in his pockets. “So are you actually sleeping with your best friend?” He asked, genuinely questioning rather than joking. “Judging by all of your reactions just now at least you want to.”

“I’m not sleeping with Dean.” Castiel said strictly with a twinge of sadness locked inside. “I mean, yeah, we took a nap in his bed because we were both freezing and sick, but it’s not like we did anything.” Castiel explained. “Besides, Dean has made it perfectly clear he does not wish to pursue a relationship of any kind. That includes me.” Castiel continued, turning to let out a small sneeze. “As for Michael and Dean I honestly doubt Dean will be able to fight back in his condition. Though I’m not sure why Michael would wish to fight him.”

“But you want to sleep with him is what I’m getting at.” Lucifer continued, a smug smile pulling at his lips since he’d pretty much got Castiel to admit it without even trying. “Oh the fun I’m gonna have with this!”

Gabriel narrowed his eyes at Lucifer. “You’re a jerk sometimes, you know that?” He sighed, realizing there was nothing he could do about Lucifer, and turned back to Castiel. “I dunno Cas, but he was using his ‘shit is gonna go down’ voice….”

“Then why don’t I just say it?!” Castiel barked, feeling frustrated at being tricked. “Hello, my name is Castiel Novak and I’m 100% gay for my best friend. There, happy?” Castiel bellowed at Lucifer, who now wore a shocked look instead of his usual devil smile. “I’m done giving a shit about what any of you are gonna say, especially Michael.” Castiel spat, pulling the cover over his head and turning away from his brothers.

“Well,” Michael sighs, having heard the commotion from down the hall and getting back just in time to hear the last part. “I think it’s time for us to say our goodbyes for the day. Lucifer, Gabriel.” He stepped aside from the door, gesturing for the other two to leave.

“I think I’m gonna hang here a while.” Gabriel said, actually sounding uncertain about going against Michael. “It’s better if he’s not on his own, right Cassie?”

Castiel didn’t respond at first, the voice registered as Michael and his body responded with fear and guilt, shaking in terror of his brother’s opinion. He cautiously pulled the blanket down past his eyes just enough for him to see the disappointment in his brother’s eyes, causing tears to well up in his eyes.

“Oh my god….” he gasps, feeling nauseous again. “Please, please don’t… don’t hate me Michael-” Castiel found himself sobbing. “It’s not bad, I swear.” He choked, tearing the blankets from his body and running to Michael, he clung to his shirt, hoping it would help Michael focus on what he was saying but he barely acknowledged it. “Please don’t hate me-please!” Castiel continued through sobs, his vision beginning to blur at the sudden movements. He felt his legs give out, sending him to his knees, leaning onto the palms of his hands to balance himself. He ended up leaning to his side and spitting up a bit of his food. “Please… d-don’t hate m-me.”

Michael didn’t speak, simply helping Castiel back to his bed. “We’ll talk about this at a later date, Castiel.” He said, tone void of any emotion. “Lucifer, we’re leaving.

Lucifer pouted, but went out the door, scuffing his shoes across the floor as he went. “Later Castiel.” he said before walking out, followed closely by Michael, who shot a flare at Castiel before shutting the door behind him.

“Shit Cas.” Gabriel sighed, making sure Castiel’s shock frozen body was comfortable before slumping into the chair next to him. “It coulda gone worse, I suppose. I’m not sure how but it could.”

“Oh my god Gabriel….” Castiel choked, still feeling dizzy. “I was hoping to come out in a subtle way, not yelling that I don’t care about their opinions, I didn’t want to be like this when I said it either. I just…” Castiel looked to his trembling hands, tears dotting his palms as he held in sobs. He was brought out of the daydream when he felt the urge to lean over and grab the trash bin to vomit again. “Remember when I said this was the worst day of my life? It just got upgraded to shittiest.” Castiel huffed before vomiting again.

Gabriel sighed and rubbed Castiel’s back sympathetically. “Yeah, it’s been pretty bad. But hey, at least they know now! And even if one of them does tell mom and dad you won’t have to deal with it until they get back. So no more issues for today, okay?”

No sooner had he said this than a commotion started outside.

“You can’t be out of bed.” A nurse called.

“You can’t stop me.” After a few minutes of quiet, Dean was led into the room by a nurse and effortfully offloaded into another chair, at which point he slumped over to bury his face into Castiel’s bed, grunting a quiet ‘hello’ then not moving again.

“He was very persistent.” The nurse explained. “It would be advisable for him to return to his own room immediately. Perhaps you could suggest this to him?” She had the air of someone who had been arguing for a long time and judging by a huff of laughter from Dean at this point, she had been.

“I would but I’m kind of busy at the mo-” Castiel began only to vomit again. He felt Dean rub his back for a short moment until the, now familiar feeling, the covers were wrapped around his shoulders again. He gagged a ‘thank you’ and continued to throw up what little he had eaten.

Dean wanted to help but couldn’t even keep rubbing Castiel’s back for long before his muscles started to ache and he had to stop. The nurse realized she wasn’t going to get anywhere and left the room instead, coming back a few minutes later with another nurse, carting a hospital bed between them.

“Thank god.” Dean muttered, actually willingly accepting being helped across back to bed.

“Well, this could be interesting.” Gabriel sighed, standing between the two beds and looking between Castiel and Dean who were now opposite of each other. Castiel sat the trash can back down and slowly lay back on the bed, his face clammy and pale.

“I don’t understand how this could be interesting Gabriel. Care to enlighten me with your logic?” Castiel asked, turning away to cough multiple times.

Dean ignored the both of them, curling up in the middle of the bed with the covers wrapped tightly around him. Gavriel shrugged and sat next to Castiel instead. “Well, he fusses over you, you panic over him, you’re both avoiding talking about a certain topic-”

“Shut up Gabe.” Dean interrupted without even lifting his head.

“And it’s not like you’re not gonna tell him what just happened….” Gabriel continued on as if he hadn’t said anything.

“Oh god, don’t remind me.” Castiel groaned, curling up in the multiple covers around him. He felt his back pop again in a new area and winced, trying not to let off any sign of being in extreme pain. “As Michael said, it’s a subject for a later date.” Castiel mimicked, tears threatening to spill again as he shook the previous moment from his mind.

“Nuh uh,” Dean groaned from across the room, moving so that his head was halfway down the bed but with a clear sight across to Castiel. “Youain’t happy buddy, tell me why.” He didn’t bother with niceties, not quite having the energy for it anyway. Gabriel made a gesture between the two of them with a ‘see what I mean’ expression, then stood up, holding his hands up.

“Okay, so I’m gonna leave you guys to it. If either of you get worse, I think I’ll be happy to arrange the funeral.” He stood and walked to the door, pausing before leaving. “I’ll be around somewhere, if there’s any issues I’m sure I’ll hear about it.”

“Talk to me.” Dean said quietly after Gabriel left.

Castiel sat silent until he could actually feel Dean’s stare before talking. “Lucifer was pestering me about our ‘friendly relationship’ and I kind of took it overboard.” Castiel began quietly. He saw Dean nod to signal he was listening and continued. “I broke down and came out, I said I didn’t care what Mi- any of them thought, but I was just angry and exhausted. I really don’t want to disappoint him. But the look he gave me when I said it… god I couldn’t even recognize him. He must think I’m some monster now. I’m never gonna get to live this down. He’s gonna tell everyone and I’ll be harassed and ignored even more. Jesus, could I be any more of an idiot?!”

Dean stayed quiet for a moment, just mustering up the energy to move. He slid off the side of his bed, using it as a stabilizer to walk across, shuffling two steps without any help then leaning against Castiel’s bed as soon as he could. He worked his way up and collapsed onto Castiel’s bed next to him, lying on his side and reaching to take Castiel’s hand.

“It’s just shock, he’ll get over it. He’s still your brother and he wouldn’t put you in harms way no matter what. Only thing what would make you an idiot would be changing yourself to make other people happy.” In a split second he twisted around, coughing over the edge of the bed, then lying on his front with his arm hanging off the side, facing away from Castiel. “You’re gonna have to  wait five minutes before I go back over there, sorry buddy.” he said weakly.

Castiel threw some covers over Dean and curled up next to him. “I don’t mind.” He breathed, gulping back air before he turned to sneeze. “I just want to forget this ever even happened, to be honest.” Castiel choked, trying to not cry but ultimately failing. He hadn’t even registered it was beginning to get dark out. It didn’t hit him as hard as he thought when he realized he and Dean wouldn’t be present in school for at least the next week, not including the weekend that would officially start the next day. As tired as he was, he didn’t even close his eyes or try to fight sleep. Just lay there, cold and upset.

Dean waited until he wasn’t liable to choke on his own lungs, then twisted around so he was facing Castiel again, stretching out his arms to wrap around him tightly. “If you really mean that, that you wished none of today existed, then push me away right now. Otherwise, I’m gonna stay here with you so you know that no matter what happens or who we’re against, you’ve always got me.” He paused for a moment and groaned quietly. “I’m so sick I’m talking Hallmark, this is depressing.” despite his complaints, he didn’t loosen his arms from around Castiel.

Castiel’s breath hitched when he felt Dean hold him closer. Sure, he wished he could take the entire day back and start over, but as he felt Dean’s arms rub against him and his heart stammer against his chest, he no longer felt the need to restart the day. He gripped Dean’s hospital gown and rested his cheek against his overheating body.

Dean let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, just about suppressing the cough that tried to come with it. “For a second there, I actually thought you were going to.” he admitted quietly, resting the urge to kiss the top of Castiel’s head. He had to admit that he felt comfortable despite the illness and purposely pinched his own wrist to stop him from thinking like that. “If there’s anything you need just t-” he yawned widely. “-tell me. Otherwise I’m thinking of going to sleep and hoping we feel better in the morning.”

Castiel listened to Dean without acknowledging so. He was already half asleep and falling fast. He felt his chilled body grow warmer with Dean’s presence and let out a small huff before falling asleep fully. So much for spending the night at Dean’s, or doing anything else. They wouldn’t be in a fifty yard radius of any school or party for what would feel like forever.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently working on Chapter 6 I believe which means I'm starting to run out of emails to write from. Good news, I've got a plan: bullshit it. And if the emails pick up again I'll just delete the extra's and re-write it or make an alternative ending. Any thoughts?


	5. Catch Me I'm Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay it's the updated version! The beginning and all is the same, just an alternative ending and yeah. I'm still working out the update schedule so any input on what day(s) I should update would be very helpful1

The nurse left in order to retrieve Castiel more blankets, giving Dean an opportunity to re-enter. He leaned against the doorway, looking nearly gray with nausea. He used his free hand to point between their two beds and calling out. “Do you want me near or far?” he croaked out, leaving the choice entirely down to Castiel.

“Near.” Castiel coughed in response, his voice dry from yelling at Michael. He leans up and shivers as he pulls a glass of water close to him, feeling practically numb. He lifts the glass and watches as it slips from his grip, shattering and causing Dean to jump in surprise. “Sorry.” he mumbles

Dean shook his head at the apology and shuffled across, kicking the glass to the side to avoid any accidents. He didn’t lie next to Castiel despite how utterly exhausted he felt. He just perched anxiously on the edge of the bed, trying to get an idea of exactly what Castiel’s state was in. “So it wasn’t good, huh?”

Castiel bit his lip. “Well, I told the nurses to not allow him in again so….”

Dean nodded slowly, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth in concern. “I gotta admit, I thought you were more set on keeping things cooler with him than this. He must’a said or done something pretty bad.” He paused for a moment then sighed. “I kinda asked if someone from security could hang out outside. Did they- were they needed?” he couldn’t even look at Castiel for an answer, not even knowing what he’d do if he found out Castiel had been harmed again.

“Michael wishes for me to no longer be one of your colleagues. It was outrageous, so I told him no.  Then he went on about how he was planning to take me from here tomorrow to keep me away from you.” Castiel mumbled bitterly. “It’s not fair, he wouldn’t know how it feels.” he adds, remembering the quote to Michael about friends.

Dean’s entire body tensed at the thought of Castiel not being around, but he shook his head. It didn’t matter what he thought. Castiel had made it clear where his family stood. “Cas, he’s your brother. It kills me to say it, but you can’t choose me over your family. I won’t let you.” he took a deep breath and rubbed at his eyes. He wasn’t crying, he lied to himself, his eyes were just watering from being ill. “You wanna stand up to him because he’s being a dick, then I’m behind you all the way, but… I’m just not worth fighting your family for, okay?”

“Dean, you are my best friend, I literally have you and a few people that say hello to me every few days. I can’t lose you.” Castiel chokes out, voice quivering and cracking from straining his motivation to not cry.

Dean knew that he should at least try to stick to what he was saying, but the selfish part of him wore out. "Okay.” he agreed with a small nod. “You and me’ll stick together like we have done for years now. He finally laid down beside Castiel, not stealing any of his blankets and leaving a couple of inches of space between them. “You and me Cas.” he repeated; promised.

Castiel shivered, but threw a fair share of blankets over Dean. “Thank you.” he croaks, curling up to him with a smile.

Dean let out a quiet sigh of relief and cuddled Castiel closer to him. “So, how about when we get outta here we go hide out at mine for a while? Lock the doors and say screw the world. Sound good?”

“Please?” Castiel begged slightly, clinging to Dean’s front.

Dean nodded his confirmation and carefully kissed the top of Cas’ head. “We’ll do whatever you want. Forget about this whole thing, yeah?”

“Not all of it, just the bad parts.” Castiel sighed, shuddering through a sigh. He sat up and turned, expecting to vomit only to dry heave.

Dean frowned at Castiel with concern. “You say that like there’s been any good parts. You should have reported hallucinations as soon as they started….”

Castiel chuckled weakly, but ended up going through a mild coughing fit. “You learn to savor the little things.” he gags, slowly laying back down.

Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head, loosening his hold on Castiel a little, suddenly feeling like his skin was on fire.”You’re super sick, you just fought with your brother who’s not letting you see your other brothers, hospital food still tastes like shit, and Bieber still exists. Things suck, sweetheart.”

“Well, that’s one way to look at it.” Castiel grumbled, pulling the cover back over him. “But, I also got to hang out with you. I told you a bit about myself, plus I’m super comfortable right now. Again, you learn to savor the little things.”

Dean tucked the covers around Castiel more and snuffled back to where he was before that wasn’t baking beneath a blanket. He wrapped his arms around Castiel and pressed one palm flat over the material covering his stomach. The all too familiar feeling of nausea crept into his stomach, but he swallowed it down, nuzzling his nose into Castiel’s hair and breathing deeply, finding that the familiarity actually helped him feel less sick. “I’m so done with being sick.” he complained.

"Cry about it." Castiel groans.

"Fuck you." Dean grumbled with no real anger behind it.

Castiel chuckles and moves closer under Dean's chin. "So when are we supposed to leave? Micheal planned on getting me tomorrow."

"Well, I'm hoping sooner rather than later." Dean thought out loud then sighed. "But they won't let us out until they think we're better." He actually huffed at that, finding it a huge inconvenience now. "So unless you can miraculously recover overnight, then we're gonna have a fight on our hands tomorrow."

Castiel swallowed down his nausea. "I can get better." He squeaks, trying to not imagine Michael nor Dean in a fight

"As much as you can, sweetheart." Dean reassured, assuming the only needed to be in a state where they wouldn't get any worse. "Just try and be conscious and not throwing up and we can cover the rest with smiles and sweet-talk."

Castiel chuckles only to go through another coughing fit. "You can do the sweet talking, I'm not the best liar."

"And I'd be offended if you knew one better than me." Dean joked, although there was some truth in what he said. He'd gotten a lot of practice in lying over the years. "Not that it matters. Our nurse Missouri has a soft spot for me anyway." He smiled smugly, then winced at a sharp shooting pain in his head, closing his eyes and trying to will it away.

Castiel blinked heavily a few times, the dark bags under his eyes having only gotten deeper from the sickness. "We can do it later, I'm tired right now." Castiel yawns, pulling the covers to his chin.

Dean nodded and got himself comfortable, moving as close to Castiel as possible so their bodies were slotted together like jigsaw pieces. "Then go to sleep baby. We'll sort everything out when we wake up."

Castiel nodded slowly and ended up falling unconscious, his mouth slightly open.

Dean didn't realize how chaired he felt until he started dozing off. With Castiel held tight in his arms, he could think of worse places to be, and he fell asleep with a small smile on his face.

* * *

 

Castiel awoke to a disturbance outside the door filled with yelling from the nurse's and a familiar voice: Michael. He felt the air leave his lungs and shook Dean awake quickly. "Dean, Dean it's Michael! He's here!" Castiel hissed, voice cracking and on the verge of tears.

Dean blinked groggily, just about managing to sit up before Michael burst in through the door. If the way his eyes bulged out of his head and his face turned purple was anything to go by then he wasn't too happy about Dean being in Castiel's bed. He stormed in, back handing Dean with enough force to send him sprawling on the floor before making a move towards Castiel.

"Disobedient. Immoral." was all he managed to get out before his anger took over completely.

Castiel choked with fear as Michael held his collar and lifted him from the bed and onto his feet. "Micheal! Stop it!"

Michael didn't relent, keeping a firm hold on Castiel's clothing. "I warned you Castiel. Now it is time to return home and stop all this!" He dragged Castiel to the door and shoved some papers at the nurse. "Papers to transfer him to the care of the family doctor. If you fail to acknowledge this then I won't hesitate to have this hospital sued for malpractice and mistreatment of patients."

Castiel struggled with Michael's grip around his collar and ended up slipping out of his gown, wearing nothing but plain white boxer briefs. He scrambles to his feet as Michael chases him back down to the room. "You're not taking me anywhere." Castiel hisses, arching his back and stepping toward Dean.

Michael didn't make another move and Dean slowly curled his hand around Castiel's leg, giving a reassuring squeeze before getting slowly to his feet. Michael looked absolutely enraged, but he reigned it in, shaking his head slowly at Castiel. "Don't bother coming home. Father will hear about this." he said before turning on his heel and marching away

Castiel held back a cry and ended up collapsed next to Dean. "I fucked up… I fucked up so much…."

Dean pulled Castiel to him, holding him tight. "You're gonna be okay baby. It's all gonna be okay." he whispered promises into Castiel's ear, trying to reassure him any way possible. Most of the other staff cleared away, giving them privacy apart from their nurse who hovered outside the door.

Castiel gasped through shuddered breaths, finding it difficult to breathe. "I can never go home… I can never go home…."

"Castiel." Dean said almost sternly, using his full name to try and get him to focus. He leaned Castiel back and held his face between his hands. "Breathe. Michael's talking shit. He doesn't get to make that choice. You don't even know what your dad's gonna say."

"He's going to hate me, I know it!" Castiel shrieks, tears flowing endlessly down his cheeks.

Dean gently wiped away the tears with his thumbs. "You don't know anything like that Cas. You're tired and upset and overthinking everything. Just wait till he gets back and talk it through with him."

Castiel nodded yes, too exhausted to argue about being afraid to. He feels the nurse help the two up and guide them back to their beds.

Dean squirmed about in his own bed until he was sitting up, watching Castiel from across the room. "You rest up okay? And is your phone over there?" he asked, craning his neck to try and see.

"No, I believe it resides in your house unless you grabbed it." Castiel sniffs, re-wrapping his bare skin in covers.

"Dammit." Dean muttered under his breath, yawning immediately afterwards. "Okay, sweetheart, you see if you can grab some shut eye alright?"

Castiel nods slowly, wincing at a sharp pain in his head.

Dean couldn’t even bring himself to sleep, too worried about Castiel and ending up watching him from the other bed. He presses his lips together, keeping an eye on Castiel as he shifted and whined throughout his sleep and woke up every now and again. After the fifth time it had happened, he had had it and pulled his knees to his chest, no longer seeming to having the urge to sleep. Dean kept an eye on Castiel as he tried to sleep, not saying anything each time he woke up in the hopes that he would get back to sleep. When he saw that Castiel wasn’t going to this time, he gave a small smile. “Did that help at all or are you still just feeling crappy?”

“Shitty.” Castiel mumbled into his thighs, adding an extra level on Dean’s scale.

“Ill shitty or upset shitty?” Dean question, not quite having the energy to move unnecessarily.

“I don’t know.” Castiel whined, leaning over to lay on his side and see Dean through his hair.

Dean frowned at that. “Cas, buddy, it’s important you try and figure it out. You can’t get help if you don’t know what's wrong….”

“I just don’t want to exist for a while.” Castiel sighs, running a hand through his hair to see Dean better and making a note to himself he’d need to shower later.

“Well, I for one think that would be the worst fucking thing in the world.” Dean says, averting his eyes from Castiel. “So you just keep on existing, okay?”

Castiel sits up and sighs  before throwing his legs off the side of the bed. “What about you? How are you doing?” he asks, clenching his fists in hopes of getting his hands to stop shaking.

Dean shrugged one shoulder. “Been better.” he gave a weak smile. “Been worse though.” his smile turned into a frown. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“To get another gown.” Castiel shivered, throwing a smaller blanket over his chilled shoulders. “Relax, I’ll be fine.” he mumbles, standing slowly and grazing the wall with his fingertips as he moved toward the door.

Dean watched Castiel with concern as he headed for the door. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” he asked. “Maybe you should just ask a nurse instead….”

“In case you lost your vision, there isn’t a nurse present at the moment. I’ll be fine, just give me a few minutes.” Castiel groans, pulling open the door and walking out into the hallway.

“Cas….” Dean called out in distress, but it fell on deaf ears. He curled up in his layers of blankets, feeling colder now that Castiel was gone and waiting for her to return.

Castiel shuffled toward a nurse, a small blush on his face that he was merely wearing his white briefs. He was able to get clothes and helped into them, then, as quickly as his shaking legs could carry him, hurried back  to the room. When he saw Dean’s shuddering figure he wandered over, pressing a hand to Dean’s cheek to let him know he’d returned. “You look cold, do you need more blankets?”

Dean shook his head stubbornly, but leaned into the touch. “I just wanna go home, being in a hospital sucks.” he sighs with another small shiver.

Castiel nodded slowly, his eyes beginning to droop. “You can ‘sweet talk’ Missouri if you wish, but I wouldn’t recommend it since you exactly look healthy enough to play the part.” Castiel says quietly, giving out a quiet chuckle.

Dean huffed and pouted. “Rude.” he mumbled, pout breaking into a weak, joking smile. “Seriously though, if you want out, then I can still try it, no matter how crappy I apparently look.” he lowered his voice to a whisper. “Which is total bull.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t handsome, I just said you looked like a bus hit you twice.” Castiel chuckled.

“Go fuck yourself.” Dean choked out through a laugh, feeling his heart flutter. That knocked the smile off his face to be replaced by a frown, holding his hand over his chest. “If it’s that bad there’s no way she’s gonna buy it. Which royally sucks if you ask me.”

“Perhaps later this evening, or early tomorrow.” Castiel sighs, moving to sit next to Dean. “I’m personally afraid to go home, especially after everything Michael said.” Castiel shudders at the name, biting back tears.

Dean willingly moved to make space for Castiel, patting the vacant area encouragingly. “I kind of assumed you would be coming to my home… not your own.” he felt the tips of his ears turn pink at the fact that he’d simply made that assumption. “You don’t have to, obviously. I dunno why I thought you would. Sorry.”

“I will join you, that is, unless I am forgiven or forced home.” Castiel sighs, slouching until his back leaned against Dean’s thighs.

Dean sighed quietly and shook his head slightly. “I told you Cas,  you don’t need to be forgiven for anything. And as far as I’m seeing, Michael’s the only douche nugget with an issue.”

Castiel chuckles at the wordplay and bites his lip. “I’m not sure, my family is quite unpredictable.” he sighs,  standing up slowly to head back to his bed.

Dean moved without think to stop Castiel from leaving, belatedly catching himself and leaning back again. “If  anyone else was pissed don’t you think he’d have brought them as back-up?”

“Michael is one who doesn’t think clearly when he’s upset.” Castiel sighs, his lip trembling slightly as he leaned back down to sit next to Dean.

“Oh look, something you two have in common.” Dean commented without thinking, not being able to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. “Sorry, but it is kind true.” he defended, curling his fingers into the fabric of Castiel’s newly acquired clothing.

“I suppose running out into the rain whilst upset was quite foolish, Castiel sighed, blushing a bit.

Dean let out a shaky sigh of relief at the fact that Castiel didn’t get offended by what he’d said, cuddling a little closer to the warmth of the other boy. “It was, but, I gotta admit, I think I might’ve been a little foolish too. Not with following you out but… what I said… can we talk about this whole thing when we’re better? Please?”

“Of course.” Castiel smiled weakly, the bags under his eyes skimming over his iris for a moment. “Bit for now you should rest, you look like the purest definition of exhaustion.”

“Stay.” Dean blurted, cheeks flushing at his own almost neediness. “Will you stay over here? If that’s okay with you I think I’d feel better knowing nothing awful was happening.”

Castiel gave a weary smile, leaning down to curl up against Dean’s chest. “I honestly  didn’t believe I had the energy to walk back across anyway.” he laughs weakly, turning away to cough once or twice.

Dean slid his arms comfortably around Castiel, hooking their ankles together just as extra reassurance that Castiel wasn’t going anywhere. “Don’t hold me to this or anything,” he mumbled sleepily. “But I kinda like you.”

Castiel’s face burned as he looked up to Dean.”As a friend? Like you had told me before or… like love like?”

Dean just hummed quietly, already almost asleep. In fact, he was only awake enough to rest his chin on the top of Castiel’s head and pull him a little closer before snoring quietly less than a minute later.

Castiel found himself too tired to answer, lying close enough to hear Dean’s slowing heartbeat and feel the rise and fall with each breath. It all moved together like a lullaby, quietly singing him into a deep sleep.

When Dean woke up, he was feeling a little better, still like he’d been hit by a truck, but a slightly smaller one. That could have been because he hadn’t moved yet, but the thought of letting go of Castiel, who he’d totally tangled up with, wasn’t even something he considered.

Castiel gave a small grunt at the sudden movement and clung to Dean tighter. He shivers at the lack of coverage and opens his eyes, squinting up tiredly at Dean. “I take it it’s morning?” he yawns.

Dean hummed affirmation and reluctantly untangled himself from Castiel, sitting up slowly. “You feeling any less shitty today?” he croaked out, rubbing his head.

“I’m feeling nauseous and cold, but a little better.” Castiel sighs, curling his head in between Dean’s neck and shoulder.

Dean nods with a sigh, covering Castiel again and sitting up. “How many days till they said we’d be good to go?”

“Ten at the most, several at best.” Castiel sighs, curling around Dean for warmth.

“And how many days have we been here?”

“I stopped counting.” Castiel admits.

Dean counts back in his head, numbering each day with a significant event before finally spitting out an answer. “Two? Three?”

“Two sounds right.” Castiel shrugs. “They’ll probably let us out tomorrow or the next day.”

“There’s no way I can wait that long. I hate being cooped up in here and forced to take medicine and food I’ll throw up later.” Dean complained grumpily.

“Maybe we can fake it.” Castiel mumbles, eyes perking up when Dean chuckled.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m not the best actor.” Dean sighed, wiping away tears from his laughing fit. “Plus, you don’t really look like you can pull off an average healthy male.”

Castiel gave a blunt look, sticking out his tongue at Dean and leaning further back into the mattress. “I’m sure I could act, I’ve done theatre before, the elementary school drama teacher told me I was a natural.” Castiel huffs, face hard for a moment and stiffening as he thought. “Then again, that was years ago.”

“I didn’t know you were an actor.” Dean hums, balling his fist and leaning the side of his face against his knuckles.

Castiel sighed, glancing to his far left then to his knees. “I don’t remember much of it. When I was… unconscious, I seem to have slept out a lot of my memories.” Castiel mumbles, fiddling with his hands.

Dean’s eyes widen in a flash and relax. “That… that’s gotta be tough. What do you remember?”

Castiel swallows, feeling tingles dance and reverberate through his arms and around the scar on his chest. “I can remember being little, maybe three years old, and sitting in my high chair and watching patiently as my father set down a cake….” Castiel pauses, puffy eyes squinting as he thought for a moment. “Strawberry cake, buttercream frosting.” he blurts, earning a shocked look from Dean. “The main icing was white, with… blue swirls and planes and… Snoopy… that dog from Peanuts.” Castiel mumbles, biting his lip in thought.

Dean watches in awe, lips parted as the watched Castiel. “I thought you said you didn’t remember?”

Castiel’s attention snaps up. “I don’t remember a lot, but I remember a lot of detail from a few ones.” he mumbles, picking at a hangnail.

Dean nods. “Do you have any other memories?”

Castiel’s stiff for a moment, fooling Dean that time had frozen for a second before taking a deep breath and leaning forward so that his forearms were pressed against his thighs. “I can remember being six, sitting up on a tree branch by the family cabin and drawing… then… Lucifer threw a stone at me and… and I fell. I broke my right arm and when it healed I couldn’t draw anymore….” he mumbles, furrowing his brow so that it covered the hood of his eyes. “I haven’t drawn since.”

“What a dick.” Dean growls out, bawling his fists for a second and holding Castiel close to his chest. “How about a good one? Surely there’s something good you remember.”

Castiel sighed, biting the corner of his lower lip. “I can remember… my mom’s face… and her real name….” he says slowly, doubting his thoughts. “... Angela…. her name was… Angela.”

Dean’s face softens and he offers Castiel a smile. “That’s a beautiful name.” he says quietly, letting go of Castiel and slouching forward a bit. “Anything else?”

Castiel keeps quiet again, pursing his lips as the glanced around the room as if he were watching his past play out within the walls of their small room. “She had blue eyes. Like, my dad has pale blue eyes, but hers were like mine.” Castiel explains, touching the puffy bag beneath his right eye. “I saw them before they put me out for… the surgery….” he mumbles, his hand lowering and pressing against the scar beneath his robe. “I didn’t see her after then… I guess that’s when she started to get sick.” he sighed quietly

Dean feels his smile fall, corners edged and bent in a partial frown. “I’m sure she was worried to death about you.” he breathes, watching Castiel’s hard faced expression. “Cas? You know it’s okay, right? She’s gone, but it’s okay. She’d be really proud of you, since you’re so smart and handsome.”

Castiel’s blinks and a light appears in his eyes as he looks over at Dean. “You think I’m handsome?”

Dean blushes and he stutters, shifting around awkwardly. “Yeah, I can tell if a guy is attractive or not, it’s just like seeing it in a girl.” he explains, face burning so that his freckles were noticeable.

Castiel smiles, leaning up to press a kiss to Dean’s cheekbone. “You’re handsome too.” he chuckles, resting his feverish face against Dean’s shoulder and chuckling. “You’re incredibly handsome, I hope you know that.” he mumbles, closing his eyes and sighing as he leaned his weight against Dean and drifted off.

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously if you helped me write this then I'm gonna need your name and a friggin' reply ASAP


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